Blockage!

I woke up this morning and was just laying in bed thinking as I often do. I like to use the quiet stillness of the morning to reflect, meditate and pray.

I was thinking about my journey and how I don't have much more to go in order to reach my initial weight loss goal. I am 35 lbs away from what I feel will be a healthy weight for my body. Once I achieve that weight loss I will then focus more on sculpting than weight loss.

So as I lay there thinking I realized that a part of me still holds onto some insecurities. I kind of feel afraid to reach my goal because I will be more confident, look better and draw more attention to myself.

For years I hid behind layers of fat because I didn't want to deal with my fears and insecurities. Now that the weight is coming off I don't have much to hid behind anymore.

I don't want to hide but subconsciously I have a sense of fear. My inner spirit is ready to soar but the fleshly human side of me still wants to hold back. I have to tell myself that it is okay to be successful. It is okay to feel beautiful and confident.

Since that has never been a reality in my life before, it is foreign and a little uncomfortable to me. That is why stepping out and doing things that are not comfortable to my flesh is an important part of breaking through the limitations I place on myself.

Every time I do something that makes me nervous I break another link of the chain. I break perceptions and thoughts that I have formed about myself that no one understands but me and God.

It is such a deeper journey then just losing weight. It is more about me becoming who God has always intended me to be.....and it feels SOOOOO good. :)

I used to feel so unworthy of love and attention because I had such low self esteem. Years of physical and emotional abuse had left me depleted and afraid. Now at times I find myself feeling those emotions again. I have to remind myself that I am so worthy and that I am precious and valuable beyond measure.

I can so relate to the story of the Virgin Mary. When we was told that she was chosen to carry the Son of God she couldn't believe it. She didn't think she was worthy enough to do such an important and powerful thing. She didn't see herself the way God saw her....BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVOURED.

At times our perception doesn't align itself with God's revelation of us. We don't always see ourselves as equal with God and able to do greater works because our true identity is hidden under layers of pain and fear.

This is why this feeling of awakening and evolving into what God has called me to do and be is such an amazing feeling. Words can't even describe how awesome it feels. I am so excited to press through and continue to unclog this blockage. Great things are to come and I will be open and ready to receive it ALL.