Questions

What is my calling?
We are all called to be awaken to our identity in God. Every adversity in our lives creates an opportunity to reach beyond our understanding into a place of surrender. As we surrender we can then make space for our vastness.

What is my identity in God?
Unlimited. You are not defined by labels. Who you are can not be defined with words. You are spirit and you have the power and freedom to become and do whatever God's says you can. There are not limits to your potential.

What is my purpose?
To awaken others. God has designed us all to be a manifestation of His love. When we are awaken to our identity in God we can then walk this world without fear and fully embrace every opportunity given to be used by Him.

Resting In God

Due to some of the things I have experienced in my life, I had a hard time trusting anyone or anything. I was always very skeptical and over analyzed everything. I used to have major anxiety and control issues. I was very insecure and extremely depressed. I was so afraid of the world that I would spend most of my time hiding out in my house. I was afraid to show myself because I didn't want to be hurt or give anyone a chance to reject me.

It is crazy how much things have changed in my life. I find myself being very relaxed and passive about many things now a days. I even asked God if this is normal because I am at peace with things that used to cause me such stress. I didn't know if I was being lazy or non chalant about things or what was going on.

I realized that what has happened is I have learned to trust in God. I am resting in Him and trusting that every part of my life is in His hands. I don't have to worry about things because whatever is in my life right now is supposed to be in it. I seek peace above all things so if something or someone is not in my life at this time it is because it would not bring me peace.

I am making space for God to minister to my heart during this season of my life. I am resting and trusting because I know that what I am enduring right now is preparing me for the greater calling of God. Whatever I have been designed to achieve is depending on this moment of my life. I have to learn to be still and wait upon God. I am confident that everything has it's purpose and time.

There are times that I feel like I am a loser and not doing anything significant with my life. I wonder should I go back to school, should I do this, should I be doing that...but God constantly reminds me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I don't have to plan things out for myself. I have to just rest in Him. By developing this deep and strong relationship with Him I will know when to move and when to speak. I will know when it is time to embark on a new journey and when it is time to be still.

This is such a big deal for me because I know how I used to be. I always worried about everything. I used to cry myself to sleep thinking about my heartache and how my life was going to play out. I tried to control and manipulate things to go how I wanted them to go so I could feel better about myself. I tried to make people love me and accept me just to feel like I had value.

Now I don't care. If you don't want to be around me then you aren't supposed to. I am not rude or arrogant I just let life flow. I have learned to believe in God's sovereign plan for my life. It is not about me it is about God, His kingdom and His people. Wherever He sees fit to position me I have to move accordingly.

What a liberating feeling to know that God loves you and desires the best for you. Your life is all figured out and all you have to do is relax and enjoy the ride. ALL GLORY BE TO GOD!!!

The Blood

Never forget that the blood of Jesus runs through your viens. You have been bought with a price. Every disease, affliction and curse has been paid for by the blood of Jesus. Just because your father or mother have had a disease doesn't mean that you have to inherit the same issue. The poverty you were brought up in doesn't have to rest in your house. The addictions and mindsets of your parents don't have to plague your mind.

The women with the issue of blood in Mathew 9:20 dealt with her infirmity for 12 years. It was not until she was awaken to her identity in God that she was healed from it. She spent years looking for a healing. She went from physician to physician seeking a cure. Then one day she said within herself "If I may but touch His garment, I shall be made whole".

"She said within herself " means she became awaken. She understood her identity and knew that she didn't have to suffer with this issue anymore. She could attach herself to the word of God (the hem of his garment) that says "...and by His stripes we are healed" (Isaiah 53:5).

She didn't have to continue to bleed and suffer from her issues. She believed in her healing and touched Jesus. She didn't stay paralyzed in her fears. She didn't sit around feeling sorry for herself. She went for her healing and believed it to be so according to the word that was working within her.

That same word that healed her is inside of you. We all have been created by the word of God. We are the manifestation of God's living word. Attach yourself to the word and believe in what God has promised you. Allow His spirit to heal every issue and wound that has left you bleeding. His grace is sufficient for you. All you have to do is touch Him. Don't sit around waiting for someone to pick you up. Don't go from addiction to addiction......relationship to relationship.....doctor to doctor......temporary fix to temporary fix. Let the living word of God heal your issues. Let Him restore you and make you whole.

Freedom

It saddens me to think about how many of us are just trying to fit in. We do things just to be accepted without really putting any heart into it. We look for validation and acceptance from a world that is truly not even awaken to their own identity. What mold are you trying to fit in? Do you even know who you are and what you have been called to do?

There is so much judgement placed on us from the outside world. At times it can be difficult for us to express ourselves organically for a fear of rejection. We try to speak with caution yet never really saying what it is that our hearts want to say. We dream with limitations because we don't want anyone to think we are crazy. We limit our potential because we are trying to measure up to someone elses idea of success. What are we trying to fit into?

We are not designed to mock or conform ourselves into anything we can percieve with our natural eyes. God has designed us each uniquely to fulfill a certain plan. Your past experiences have all been ordained to equip you for the journey God has called you to travel. God knows you better then you know yourself. He knows your weaknesses and your strengths. They are each unique to your calling. They are what makes you effective in the Kindom of God.

Let me just keep it real and stop sugar coating the subject. Someone's sexual orientation, addictions or other current or past circumstances do not stop the hands of God. God knows exactly what you are doing and He knows exactly when you will stop.

The problem with the world is that we judge one another too much. We try to conform everyone into what we perceive to be perfect and acceptable. We condemn people for their shortcomings and measure their victories just to make us feel better about ourselves.

God does not look at our flesh. He tells us to know no man after the flesh. He looks at our heart. The word of God says that the issues of life flow from our hearts. God doesn't deal with the natural He deals with the spirit. He does not treat your symptoms He goes straight the source of the infection. He heals the heart which in turn heals your life.

So instead of judging one another out of fear we should speak life to one another out of love. I don't need to tell you what you should be. I don't have to tell you to stop your unhealthy, distructive behaviors. My job as a vessel of God should be to awaken you to your identity in God, allowing the truth within you to heal your heart.

Let's stop placing so much judgement on each other. Let's stop placing judgement on ourselves. Let the spirit of God minister to your heart as you seek Him in that secret place. You don't have to force yourself to fit into anyone's mold. You have been specifically designed to fulfill a plan and purpose on this Earth. Don't run around trying to please others. Let your heart be free in God.

Tricks

This morning was so crazy for me. I actually started getting extremely nervous and scared before going to the oral surgeon for my teeth extraction. I wasn't really afraid of the pain. I wasn't even afraid of the surgery. I was afraid of being put to sleep and not coming back out. I was also afraid of being put to sleep and still feeling everything and not having the ability to tell anyone what I was feeling. What is even more weird is I have been under general anasthesia before and for a longer period of time. So I really didn't understand what my issue was. I did know that I needed to get a hold of myself and release all of my fears before I walked into that doctor's office.

I began to pray and ask God to give me peace. I began to meditate and release my mind from attaching itself to the images that were playing in my head. I was watching every possible scenario play out in my mind and it was making me restless. I had become so nervous that I was tempted to just cancel the whole thing but I couldn't. I knew that the pain would persist and the infection would cause me more damage if I did not take care of it.

It is amazing how God uses the things in our lives to teach us some very important lessons. He doesn't allow us to experience pain because He likes to see us suffer. The opposite is true. He allows the pain to occur to move us past it and bring us to a state of constant peace. He makes room for miracles and healing.

You see most pain starts in the mind. Often times it doesn't start in our own mind, it may start in the mind of someone we love. We end up baring the pain and infirmities of our love ones because God built us strong enough to endure it. At times it is the decisions others make that cause us the most pain. We become the sacrifices for one another. We can become victimized by others because we can take on the fears of the generations before us. We don't have to stay victims though. We are not victims in a sense that we are helpless and unequipped to handle the pains. If God has allowed us to bare the pains and infirmities of others He has also given us the power to overcome them and break free from them.

What we fail to understand at times is that we are all one. Many times we become depressed and crushed by our burdens when we isolate ourselves. When we think we are alone and no one understands our pains. It is true that their are some that have never gone through your personal pain but since we are connected we do have to ability to feel one another's pains. We have the ability to have compassion and love for others and that is an opportunity for healing. That is an opportunity to feel the oneness of God and His spirit.

I was deeply moved with emotions last night and asked God why we have to feel pain. Why do people that seem innocent have to endure heartaches and things that literally or spiritually kill them? He showed me that we are all one body in Him. We each suffer and take on the infirmities of others not for evil but for the purpose of awaken all to our true identity in Him. Many times when a nation or a people endure a tragedy they are brought together by the love of God. They pull together breaking down the walls of racism, poverty, politics and religious views just to heal the hearts of humanity. This is what being awaken is all about.

Being awaken is a level of understanding that goes far beyond what the mind can comprehend. It is reached through a deep and supernatural connection to the unlimited realm of the spirit. It doesn't take intellect or book knowledge to achieve this level of spirituality. It takes a vulnerable and surrendered heart that is willing and passionately seeking the truth and to be set free.

When awaken we understand that we are all connected. We understand that even though someone may hurt us we have the ability to press through and even heal their heart through love. Our strength can be what brings another healing and deliverance. Our awakened spirit can help awaken one and also a nation. Let us be conscious that our decisions don't only affect us. We have the power to change the live of others. When one is weak another is strong and we move forward together as one as God has designed us to do. We are not alone along this journey. We are all connected by the same fabrics. We have all been created in the image and likeness of God. No on is any greater then another because in the spirit we are all one in the same.

This kind of understanding and awakening can not only heal you but heal the world. It will break down the walls of fear and violence because we no longer will be fighting to survive......we will be surrendering to love which is eternal life. We will understand that even in death there is life. In loss there is gain. We all have been created to contribute something to the world. We don't have to fight to be better. We must just strive to be our best.

You see through my fear of pain this morning I realized that I had given in the flesh...to the human side or nature of me. I had isolated myself. Although I trust and believe in God I allowed my spirit to be silenced by the cries of my fears. I had to silence the cries and once again find that connection to the source of life that breathes through me daily. I had to rest in the hands of God and trust that no matter what was or what would be, His will would be established. There is nothing in the world that can take authority over me unless God has allowed it.

I know that the mind plays tricks on us. It forms images and illusions that are far from the truth. The truth sets us free and brings us peace. Our mind, if not brought under subjection to the spirit, can cause us to be paralyzed with fear. It can stop us in our tracks and cause us to lose sight of God's truth. We can't worry about our past or our future. We must rest in the presence of the now. We must know that we know that we know that God is in control of all things and He only wants what is best for us. We must live by faith and not by sight. We can't be caught up in what our outward circumstances look like. We must trust and rest in God. That is where we will find our peace.

My mind said I would feel pain but right now I have not experienced any pain after my sugery. I have had minimal bleeding and I feel great. I didn't allow my fears to dictate my circumstances. I let God be and He showed forth His love and power. Amen.

Moving Forward

God has been dealing with me lately about stepping out of my fears. I know that in order to be all that He has called me to be and do I will have to move forward and not worry about what others think. I desire to move forward in my life with passion and make no excuses for who I am or what I believe.

I think we all look for that in life. We all want to be free from our emotions and fears. We all want to live our lives fully as ourselves and make no excuses. We don't want to live trapped in our pasts. We don't want to keep nursing the same wounds. We don't want to keep forcing ourselves to fit in molds that were not made for us. We don't want to keep fighting to be accepted, loved, acknowledged or appreciated.

God designed us all to be original. He designed each and everyone of us with a specific assignment in mind. Everything we have gone through in our lives, whether we think it was good or bad, served a purpose. We may never know the total plan of God but yet and still it will be established. His will will dominate whatever plan you think you have set up for yourself. He will interrupt your whole life just to fulfill His plan for you.

I trust in Him. I believe that He desires all good things for me because He loves me. Others may have rejected me, abandoned me or lied to me but God never has and He never will. His love is eternal and sufficient. It doesn't matter what I have been through, what I have done or what I haven't done. God's love will carry me through every adversity as it always has. His love will illuminate my path and open doors that no man can shut. He will receive the glory for my life. Everything that I do will be done unto Him because I know where I used to be and what He has brought me from.

He deserves to get all the glory and praises for my life because I wouldn't be who I am without Him. That is what I am confidient in now. I am confidient in who He has created me to be. I don't have to live a prisioner to my past. He has set me free from the bondages of my mind. He has healed my heart and restored my soul. I belong to Him and that gives me such peace.

I don't have to worry about my future or past because He is always present. Every rejection, every fall, and every pain has served it's purpose and it is all good in the eyes of God. Although my mind did not understand at the time, I have learned to lean on Him. I have learned to rest in His arms and allow His spirit to strength me when I don't know how to go on another day.


I will live everyday unto God and walk boldly before His throne. I will speak with authority and give Him all the praise. I will be confident in who HE has created me to be and conscious of the power He has invested in me. I am unlimited and all things are possible because I DO BELIEVE. AMEN!!!!!!

Numbing The Pain

Recently I have been dealing with a toothache. I was supposed to get all my wisdom teeth extracted several years ago but only had one done. I was too afraid of dealing with the pain. Then about a year ago my dentist recommended that I get my last two wisdom teeth extracted and once again I avoided the surgery because I was afraid of the pain. My wisdom teeth occasionally bothered me but the pain was pretty manageable and I was able to numb it and deal with it. Until now....

The pain that I have been dealing with lately has reached it's limit. I currently have an infection, my throat hurts, my head hurts and my face is swollen. I can no longer keep these teeth in my mouth. I have to confront my fear of pain and get them extracted once and for all.

This ordeal had me think about our pain in life. We have all been through painful things in our lives. Whether we endured the pain from our own decisions or from the actions of others, we have all felt it. The dangerous part is not the pain. The dangerous part is trying to numb the pain and not deal with it.

Many of us try to cover up the pain of our past with bandaids. Such as alcohol, food, work, relationships, drugs, cigarettes, or some other unhealthy habit. We don't want to confront the pain so we cover up our emotions. Eventually that pain surfaces again. Something occurs in our life and exposes our wounds.

We get to a place were we have no choice but to deal with the issues that we have been trying to numb. Our life becomes "infected" and the pain or unresolved issues become too painful to bare.

This happen to me about 2 years ago. I had lost my job, I was living with a family member, I was overweight, and insecure about everything in my life. I began to seek God and ask Him to show me who I was. He really began to show me what I wasn't. I wasn't my past. I wasn't the insecure person that I thought I was. The reason I was in so much pain was because I associated everything I had been through with who I was. I was too focused on the pain.

One day I was so frustrated I began to cry out loud. I said "God tell me what to do...speak to me....I want to hear your voice". He said "shut up". Now some may think I am crazy but this is exactly what He spoke to my spirit. You see many of us are so focused on our pain and discomfort that we fail to listen. Our cries become louder then His voice.

Life doesn't have to be dramatic. We don't always have to endure pain. We don't have to live in constant caos and struggle. We chose to live this way. We chose to focus on the pain and wallow in our sorrows. We are so accustomed to dealing with the drama that we have identified ourselves with it and so we reap more of it.

God had me silent for a season. He taught me to meditate and hear His voice. I found peace by being still and listening to my own breath. I found beauty in the nothingness. I reached a place of sacredness and aweness because I discovered who I really was in God.

I no longer had to numb the pain because I no longer associated myself with it. I no longer craved it. It's crazy how we don't want to be involved in caos but yet we unconsciously seek it. Why? Because we don't know how to live without it. We don't know who we are without it. There is an uncertainty when we are in an unfamiliar territory. Our flesh is no longer supported and we become fearful of the unknown.

This is what it is to live by faith. We are not supposed to know anything according to our flesh. We are to walk with our eyes closed and trust in the Lord. We are supposed to live limitless without attaching ourselves to egoic thoughts.

Our spirit knows to trust in God but our human "egoic" mind tries to protect itself. It tells you to hide, retract, avoid a certain situation because you will experience more pain. You must slowly begin to extract those thoughts from your mind by not attaching yourself to them.

Meditation and prayer played a big part in my healing. I allowed my mind to be free in God. Even though my flesh did not understand everything I allowed whatever God desired to be present in my life. I opened my heart and surrendered to the NOW. I learned to live true to myself. I learned to live by faith.

Stop numbing the pain and begin to live the way God intended for you to live.

Coming OUT Of The Shadows

Today was such a powerful day for me. God's presence was so tangible. I received some words today from God. He said it is time to step out of the shadows.

By reading my blog you know that I have gone through some pretty tough things. I know that I have not come out and told you all the specifics but I will share that in another post at a later time. Right now all that I want you to know is that I know what deep pain, disappointment and rejection feels like. I also know what it feels like to live through years of self loathing and a victim mentality. I have also experienced the death grip of fear.

In the beginning of my journey I wasn't really sure why I had to go through a lot of the things I went through. I spent many years blaming everyone else for my pain and discomfort. I didn't understand that everything I had gone through from my childhood to the present day was to draw out what God has placed within me. I didn't know that He was drawing out His glory. I didn't know that I was His treasure that was hidden in an earthen vessel.

Today I do stand with my head held high and fully aware of my purpose. I am conscious that everything I endured was to prepare me for His plan. I was designed with God's plan in mind. I was created to manifest His power and bring hope to His people. I was called and chosen to show His love in every aspect of my life.

Although we have not all gone through the same trials and we have not all been called to perform the same assignments. We have all been called to walk in our true identity in God and manifest His love. His love endures all things and sets our hearts free from the torturous thoughts of rejection, pain and disappointment.

We are not called to remain in the shadows of our past. God has called us forth through the pain to be more then a conqueror. We are called to be overcomers. We are not just here to win battles. We are called to step out of the trenches and live in constant love and peace. God's grace and mercy is sufficient for you. You don't have to struggle with your daily loathing and self pity thoughts. You can rest in God and live free of your past.

You may be thinking but HOW? How do I move passed the pain, rejection, abuse, abandonment, adultery, or loss? How do I press through the uncertainties and learn to love again?

You do it by realizing that you are a manifestation of God and everything in your life has been a set up. You release everyone that has wronged you or caused you pain from the guilt. You forgive them and forgive yourself. You realize that what you have gone through does not define you. You don't have to pick up that same cross everyday. God already took on your infirmities, afflictions, and pains. You can be free.

I know how uncomfortable and vulnerable it feels to not know why? I know how painful it is to look back and remember what they did to you. "Why didn't they love me enough to treat me right. I trusted them. I needed them. I loved them."

Know that God allowed all of it. They had to hurt you, leave you and forsake you. They had to commit adultery, abuse you, and turn their back on you. You were meant to feel lonely, angry, sad, and hopeless. How could you ever know what light is if you never experienced the dark?

All of those dark moments in your life brought you to this point where you are seeking His light....seeking His truth......seeking your identity.....seeking your healing. Had it not been for all of the past pain I had gone through I wouldn't be able to discern the spirit of God. I wouldn't be able to minister to His people. I wouldn't be awaken to my identity, purpose or power.

Every heavy weight of depression that I had to carry only made my spirit stronger and more dependant on God. Now that I acknowledge God in all my ways I can walk in peace. I can walk free of my pain and walk in His constant joy and peace.

God has called me and He has called you to come out of the shadows. Make this day a new beginning. Promise yourself to live each day conscious of God's purpose for your life. He wants you to be free of pain. Today is the day.

It is time to come out of the shadows and walk in His light. It is time that your mind be set free from the burdens of life. It is time that you trust in God and His love for you. Step out and walk in all that God created you to be.

The Splinter

Sometimes it's the little things that happen in our lives that cause us so much pain.

I was reminded today when I was removing a splinter from my mom's finger about our little trials. We tend to forget that our trials pale in comparison to the glory that shall be revealed in us.

We allow the little splinters in our lives to steal our vision. We allow them to hinder us because we are afraid.

Don't forget how great you are. Let your true strength swallow up the splinters in your life.

Let go and let God take the splinters out of your life. Each one serves a purpose. You are not subject to them....they are subject to your God.