Seek His Peace

I personally know how difficult it is to see God in all things. It is difficult at times to see Him when your heart is broken or you feel alone. It is difficult to see Him when someone rejects you or doors close in your face.

Over the last couple of years I have had to confront many mind blowing and heart wrenching trials that have left me breathless at times. I couldn't even begin to comprehend why I had to endure certain heartaches.

There were many nights that I laid awake wondering about my life. I wondered what certain loved ones were doing. I wondered where my life was headed. Anxiety often plagued my mind and desperation grasped my heart. I wasn't sure how to overcome the emotions that captivated my soul. I only knew that I didn't want to wrestle with them anymore.

I seeked God for His wisdom and began to understand that I wasn't supposed to try to figure anything out. He only wanted me to rest in Him....to trust Him...and surrender my heart to Him.

My prayer became "Lord, I surrender my heart to you. My heart is open to give love and recieve love. I desire whatever would bring me peace".

This simple prayer that came from deep within my soul was what began to release the shackles from my mind. I began to realize that God is in every aspect of my life. He is within the family members I worry about, His is in control of my career, and He is in control of my life.

He knows what would bring me peace in this moment of my life and that is what He allows to be in it. I may desire my marriage to be restored, a new job, more money, or something else but that doesn't mean those things would bring me peace. God knows what is best for me and I must trust and rest in His plan for my life.

Over all things I seek God's peace each and everyday and surrender my heart to Him. To open your heart to give love and recieve love means you are open to the unlimited. You are yeilded to His will. You are ready to be used by Him. You are a vessel in which He can freely flow and manifest Himself through without hinderance.

When we are focused on our feelings and emotions then we are not yeilded. We are too worried about feeling anger, pain, fear or disappointment. But when we are surrendered to God and His love then we are no longer bound by our fleshly desires and we give Him full reign. We allow Him to freely move and work on our behalf. We make room for miracles.

He knows what is best for you. His desire is to bless you and not hurt you. Just let go and seek His peace. His peace is where you will find your healing and deliverance.

God IS Everything

We don't include God in our lives as an after thought. We live and breathe through Him. He is our source of existance. We are nothing without Him.

It saddens me how many people see God as an outward source to whom they pray when times get rough. Someone they call up and consult when they are confused or in need of hope. Although I understand that this is one level of faith it is not all that there is. God says we should not live by bread alone but by every word that preceedth out of the mouth of God.

We are not to live on daily miracles. We are to live in the overflow of love. We have the living spirit of God dwelling on the inside of us. We lack nothing. The reason our outward circumstances often don't reflect this abundance and prosperity is because we don't know how to activate it.

We don't understand that God has given us power and authority to live in love, peace and joy everyday of our life. We don't have to struggle. We are to live through God. We are to live in the overflow of His anointing.

Whatever the word of God says is what you should be walking in. But these things are only obtained through obedience. We are to walk according to the word. We are to live by every word that preceeds out of the mouth of God. We are to walk in the spirit.

How do we obtain this level of faith and consciousness? By living surrendered. By resting in God. By trusting in His perfect will for our life. You may not have the life that you desire to have. You may be struggling right now with some things in your life....BUT God is more then able to restore everything that has been surrendered to Him.

If you would just lean and trust that where you are is where you are supposed to be. Every path is leading you to righteousness. Your weakness is essential for His strength, His word to be perfected in you.

You are being restored and reconciled back unto the Father. You are awakening to your true identity in Him. Every thought that is contrary to His truth is being burned in the fire of His consuming love.

Just rest in God and walk according to His word. Let His spirit lead you and guide you no matter what is going on in your life. He is more then able to handle everything that you think is impossible.

You belong to Him. You are a reflection and manifestation of His love. Let go and allow yourself to walk in the fullness of His joy and peace.

Just Be You

"God purposely designed you with His plan in mind. Live boldly as yourself. Don't chase the dream be the vision."

You are purposely designed by God to fulfill His plan. You are lacking nothing. Don't chase the dream others have painted. Live the vision God has ordained for you. Make no excuses for who you are. Live boldly as yourself.

Build Your Ark

We can't wait until the storm begins to build our ark. We must constantly stay in meditation. We must daily saturate ourselves with God's word and His presence. It is important to build up our minds and be strong in faith when the storms come. God did not promise that the journey would be perfect and without chaos. He just promised that we would overcome it by His grace and mercy. He promised He would never leave us nor forsake us.

It is so important that we stand firm on the promises of God and remember our identity. We have to be prepared to endure the harships like a good soldier. We must remember constantly that the battle it not ours.....it is the Lords. We can't worry ourselves we must trust and lean on God not our own understanding. We must seek the peace of God and that will lead us to our destination.

It is easy to get caught up in the illusion of your life. It is easy to become fearful when everything seems to be falling apart. BUT we must remember that God is ALWAYS in control. We can not wait for the rain to start before we start building our ark....our refuge....our relationship with God.

When Noah was building the ark he didn't see the rain but he kept building. He may have had some doubts about the Lord's instructions but he kept building. He kept building up his mind in the things of God. He meditated on God. He seeked the face of God and developed such a strong relationship that he was able to survive the storm. He knew that God had his back. That obedience that Noah demonstrated not only saved his life but it saved a nation.

The story of Noah is not about a literal ark, animals, people and a storm. It is about the relationship that is built from our obedience. It is about building a covenant. No matter what your life may look like right now you have to build your relationship and trust in God. You have to stretch forth your hand to the plow and sow your seeds of faith. You have been called to not only save yourself during the storms of your life. You have been called to save generations to come by your obedience and sacrifice.

What seemed impossible to most was what saved a nation. Dare to believe beyond your own understanding. Trust in God and keep building your ark.

Called and Chosen (Part 1)

It is tough sometimes to remember that you are not in control of your life. There are times in my life that I feel like I have no where to turn. I feel lonely and like no one even cares for me. Those are real feelings that we often feel when tramatic events happen in our lives. We often times feel vulernable and scared.

Sometimes my mind begins to wonder in the direction of feeling angry or sorry for myself because of the things I have gone through. I feel helpless and insecure of my life. I wonder when will this promise come to pass. Why does this person keep hurting me? Why am I at this place in my life? Did I do something wrong?

I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control. I have to remember that my life is not my own. It is easier said then done. We can say "Lord I surrender... I trust you....do your will". But when everything seems to be going "wrong" we want to take the control back. We start walking back to the place that God already delivered us from.

It takes a strong faith to let go of your dreams, your life, your plans and your perception and trust in God. It takes an awakened spirit to step out of yourself and embrace God's truth.

To let myself feel self pity and anger would just put me back into captivity. I have to let go and trust that God knows what is best for me. In a twinkle of an eye everything in my life can change. God doesn't need my input. He needs my heart. He needs my mind to be reconciled back unto Him so He can mold me and move me in the direction of His plan.

You see I am called. I have been designed and created to fulfill a specific plan. God knew everything that would occur in my life and prepared me to endure it and overcome it. I am not a victim to what has happen to me. God was not taken by surprise. God equipped me and prepared me for this journey.

My success is ordained. My path has been set. I can not fail. Everthing shall come to pass by the grace of God. I have to remember these things when in the face of adversity. I can't sit back and feel sorry for myself. I must trust in the Lord. I must meditate on His goodness and remember that I am not of this world. I am in the midst of the storm but so is the Lord. He is within me so He is always with me and I am never alone. When my flesh is weak His strength...His spirit...His word....His promise is made perfect. His promise is manifested when I surrender my will for His.

ALL GLORY BE TO GOD.

Staying Positive

As the holidays approach I have always found myself getting depressed. I get sad because I miss my husband. I also miss my whole family being together during this blessed time of the year. This year my grandmother is in assisted living, my aunt is going into a nursing home due to her brain damage, my husband and I are still separated and I am unemployeed. There is alot going on and I have to constantly stay focused in order to stay positive.

It is easy to get caught up in having a pitty party with yourself. It is easy to get into the victim mentality and get depressed over how crazy your life seems. I can't afford to do that. I can't go back to where God has delivered me from. I have to press forward and know that God is in control of all things. Although my outward circumstances my seem crazy I have to continue to trust in God. I have to realize that nothing is out of order. His hand is still in my life and on my loved ones.

The outward may seem caotic but His perfect divine order is still present. I can feel His constant love. I can feel His joy that strengthens me each day. I can feel His grace and mercy that gives me the ability to smile even when I want to cry. I will keep standing because I know that He knows what is best for me. He is working things out in my favour and that brings me peace.

I encourage those that are feeling the weight of the world right now. Keep pressing towards the mark. God has a plan for you and it is good. Praise God in the midst of your trials. He is too good not to be lifted up.

Thank you Lord for your love, mercy, peace and joy. You are the reason I still live and breathe.

Change Your Perception, Change Your Life

God is so amazing and His mercy endures for ever. I am so grateful for God's mercy that has brought me through years of self loathing. I spent too many years playing the victim and having pitty parties with myself. After finally being fed up with the drama I was causing myself I surrendered my mind to God.

I can't look at all that I have gone through as my story. I have to realize that God is using me to reveal His glory. Although my situations may remain the same my perception has set me free from them. My issues do not control me. My God controls my issues. They are not for me to handle or try to figure out.

God created me in His image and after His likeness. The power that He has I have as well. I am not powerless and defeated. I am more then an overcomer and full of power and influence. That power is not mine though. That power and influence comes from the spirit of God. When I surrender my will I allow God's spirit to intercede and transform "my" life.

I now understand that what I see with my natural eyes is just an illusion. The only thing that matters is what God has promised me. The journey to that promise may have some sharp turns and narrow paths but I will reach it. Each obstacle and trial forces the scales to be removed from my eyes so that I can see the truth and change my perception.

I am not bound by what I go through. Life does not dictate my state of mind. I must consciously decide to pursue life and God's promises no matter what may come my way. Surely everything has it's time and season but as long as I am aligned with His word all things will come to pass. We must silence our mind enough to hear His voice. Quiet our hearts enough to feel His direction. Close our eyes so that we can walk by faith.

The Key To Success

I wanted to post about a powerful word my daughter Jazzy ministered to me today. She was wearing a necklace today that she made with a lock and key on it. She said she was going to wear it everyday because it was her key to success. I asked her to explain it to me. She looked at me puzzled. I said go deep and tell me what it means. She said the lock was her success and the key was God. She said the only way to open the lock "her success" was to trust in God. ~Wow! Did that word minister to my heart.

How many of us become anxious and overwhelmed sometimes even scared when it comes to our futures? We spend countless hours mapping out our lives. We lose sleep worrying about what we have not accomplished. We become anxious thinking about all the bills that are unpaid. We even replay our "failures" in our minds and regret most of the decisions we have made that got us to this place in our lives.

What we fail to see during this dark time of our lives is that through all we have gone through God has always been present. He sees and knows all things. Nothing in your life goes without notice. Remember that nothing is a failure. What we think is failure is often the time of most growth. God uses our weak moments to fulfill His will in our lives. He awakens us out of our sleep. He shows us who we really are when we have nothing else to turn to. He takes control....when we surrender.

We spend too much time worrying about our futures when they are not even in our hands. We have the power to create them but that power flows from God. Our creative nature is from God. We are made in His image and after His likeness. Instead of struggling to achieve greatness in our own strength we should surrender to God and allow Him to direct us. He tells us to acknowledge Him in all our ways and He will direct our paths. What God has for us can not be reached through our own methods. We must allow His spirit that dwells within to be activated by faith and manifest the miracles. "It is not in our strength lest we boast." We are blessed by His grace and mercy. We are blessed because it is a covenant God made with us. He paid the price for every sin so that we could live an abundant life. A life full of His grace, mercy, love, favor, joy and peace.

What God gives us He adds no sorrow to. He opens doors no man can shut. He fills our cups until they run over. BUT all things are in their season. You are attached to your destiny. You are attached to your future. It has your name on it. The only road to it is through Jesus. Through the blood sacrifice of our saviour. When we are awaken and surrender our will to His then we can walk in the fullness of what He has ordered for our lives. It is only until we have learned to be faithful in the little things and take joy in being a servant that God's hands move.

I praise God for His wisdom. I praise God for His love that fills my cup everyday. I love God and praise Him for His mercy that allows me to get back up when I fall. I know that everything I place in His hands He has control of. I consciously release all my worries and trials to Him. I know that He is King and ruler over my life and that is fine with me. He is the KEY to my success. Everything He has ordered for my life will come to pass because I trust Him. I rest in His arms. I surrender to His love. Amen!

What is your motivation?

God ministered to me today about the intent of our hearts. Many of us seek to be closer to God or achieve a certain thing in our life for our own personal gain. Many times we even use the gifts that God has given us to glorify our own flesh. We minister to the body of Christ through our flesh and not the anointing. God will still be God and receive the glory in the end but we must be careful and examine our hearts. What is our motivation? What moves us to take action in life....in the things we seek God for.....in our ministries? Are we seeking to be glorified and uplifted for our own gain? Or are we seeking His kingdom for the edification of the body.....to bring glory to God?

I know that many of us have been through trying times in our lives. Many of us have been lacking something that we tend to satisfy with natural things. We seek the praise of others. We look for recognition when we do something for someone else. We even use our gifts God has given us to glorify our flesh. This saddens me because God did not send His son to die for us so that we can be caught up in our own world. So that we can build our "own" ministry. So that we can be arrogant and selfish. We have been given a gift of life so that we can reconcile God's family back unto Him. We are to be a manifestation of His unselfish love. We should take no thought in what we can gain. We should be all about God's people and His kingdom. It is all about His glory.

As I mature in the things of God I have learned that my very walk should be a reflection of God's love. I don't have to speak a word. I don't have to tell anyone what I do in secret with God. God says that what is done in secret will be rewarded openly. My walk...my talk and every area of my life should be in perfect alignment with the condition of my heart. If I am about my Fathers business then you will see the fruit of it. I would rather die then to ever say that my life is about me. My life is a sacrifice for His people. If I love God then I should live selfless. I should surrender my will to fulfill His will so that others may live through my sacrifice. I shouldn't have to tell you what I am doing. You should feel it in my presence. If God be lifted up then He will draw all men unto Himself. People are drawn to you for your anointing. They are drawn to you because they can feel His presence when you walk in a room.

All that we do should be done unto God. It should be done with His heart in mind not our own. I don't need anyone to tell me what a good job I am doing. I don't even need to tell anyone that I am praying for them. My heart rejoices when I see someones life change in front of my eyes from the earnest prayers I sowed in that secret place. Let God receive the glory for their deliverance. It is not my power that saved them. It is the power of God in me that delivered their soul and reconciled them back unto God.

Every gift we are given is by the grace of God. The riches that have been sown into our barns are all by the grace of God. The voice you use to lead praise and worship, the word that is ministered from behind the pulpit, the spirit of intercession, the gift of prophecy, the spirit of love and compassion. All of these things have been placed within us so that we can show the world the riches of God that are not made of hands. We are God's riches and glory. He has placed us all here on this earth to be a reflection of His everlasting love and abundance. So before you speak a word, minister through song or prophecy examine your heart. Ask yourself "what is my motivation".."what is it that moves me into action"? Are you seeking to be glorified or are you acting as God's yielded vessel so that He can receive the glory.

Ephesians 2:8-9: "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast".


"TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY" AMEN.

Redirection Not Rejection

We often feel that when a door closes in our face that means we are being rejected. We become discouraged and at times it can make us feel inadequate or like a failure. We believed in the possibilities and then like a flood our hopes came tumbling down. Sometimes we even become depressed or afraid to step out and pursue other opportunities. What we fail to see is that what we perceive as rejection is often redirection. When one door is closed it causes us to move in another direction. Even though we may feel like we failed that rejection was a step of faith that moved us forward and closer to our destiny. We can never grow or achieve great things if we are not willing to chart a new course. Although the territory may seem unfamiliar God has already mapped out the path. He has gone before us and made the crooked ways straight. Our steps have already been ordered even though we feel like our life is in disorder. God is purposeful in all that He does. He has a plan for us and it is good. He desires us to reach our full potential and walk in victory.

Sometimes we chose to pursue certain opportunities because they feel safe to us. We don't stretch ourselves and reach for the stars because of our lack of confidence in ourselves. We think we are not educated enough or qualified enough to achieve what our heart desires.....what our soul yearns for. We often settle for less then what God has already predestined for us because of our own fears. We may have been "rejected" once before and so we feel why should I try again. Why should I step out and believe in something when I might get my feelings hurt? We have the vision but our sight is a little foggy with self doubt.

What I have come to realize recently is that whatever God has called you for....you can not escape. No matter what way you try to run you will always end up being confronted with it over and over again. God will cause such a discomfort in you until you have no choice but to move forward in it. Inspite of fear and insecurity you will learn to step out on faith. You will learn to surrender to God and allow your God given talent to shine. What God has called you to, He has equipped you for. All we have to do is step forward. Each step, every attempt is a step closer to a breakthrough.

My excuse has always been "where do I start". You start with God being the head of everything you do. You allow Him to be the wisdom you need to pursue you passion. You let Him lead you and guide you to His path of righteousness. If you stay focused on God and His glory then everything you need will begin to line up. Your path will lead to God's plan for you when you become obedient to His spirit. It will no longer be about what you can gain. It will be about God's glory. It will be about being a servant unto God and His people.

Learning to Live

The past couple of years I have been struggling with so many emotions. It seemed like they had taken me hostage. I was living in fear because of all of the things I had experienced in my past. Part of me was really hiding from feeling anymore rejection and pain. I didn't want to love myself or others because love had always disappointed me in the past. I was afraid to feel happy or joy. I was even afraid to be at peace. My ego constantly craved drama because it was familiar to me. It was something that made me feel secure even though it tormented me.

As I began to become awaken to my identity in Christ I realized that my emotions did not define me. They did not have power over me and I could surrender them. I could stand tall and be confident in who God created me to be. It didn't matter that I was abused as a child. It didn't matter that my father had left me. It didn't even matter that my husband committed adultery. I was not defined by those events that took place in my life. I could stand strong and believe in myself because who I am is a child of God. I am God's marvelous glory and He takes pleasure in me. He rejoices over me. He fights for me so that I can rest in His peace. I can take refuge in His presence that is ever present in my life.

Although I struggled many years with thoughts of loneliness I am now set free. I now know that I am never alone because the spirit of God dwells within me. When I feel insecure about myself I remember to whom I belong. My father is a savior. He died so that I may live. I can't walk this earth feeling defeated or sad for the things that I have lost.....for what I have lost in the natural, in the spirit I have gained. It was not a loss but rather a surrender in order for Him to increase within me. My perception has been broken and His glory shines bright. No one could ever tell me that God doesn't exist because in His arms I rest every night.

So now as I awaken every morning to the rising of the SON. I embrace every moment, every emotion that fills my heart. God has been good to me, too good not to live my life with passion. I am learning to live now not just exist...but to fill my lungs with His spirit and walk according to His word. I live for His people for my life is not my own. Ever tribulation, miss step and confused thought has been formed to reveal the truth. My sword has been sharpened through the battle. My story has become His story. It is not about my glory or pain. I now must open my mouth and speak the words of life that fill my belly. Springing forth they shall come and saturate every area of my life. Thank you Lord for now I have learned to live.......LIVE IN AND THROUGH YOU.

Holy Love

"A relationship is not meant to be the joining at the hip of two emotional invalids. The purpose of a relationship is not for two incomplete people to become one, but rather for two complete people to join together for the greater glory of God" excerpt taken from "A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles" by Marianne Willliamson.

A Course in Miracles decribes the difference between an unholy and holy alliance:

For an unholy relationship is based on differences, where each one thinks the other has what he has not. They come together, each to complete himself and rob the other. They stay until they think that there is nothing left to steal, and then move on. And so they wander through a world of strangers, unlike themselves, living with their bodies perhaps under a common roof that shelters neither; in the same room and yet a world apart.

A holy relationship starts from a different premise. Each one has looked within and seen no lack. Accepting his completion, he would extend it by joining with another, whole as himself.

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These passages from "A Return To Love" By Miranne Williamson were so powerful to me. This book is overall a very powerful book. It beautifully describes how we are LOVE. A return to love means we return to who we are. We awaken out of the dream that we are anything other then love. We see fear as a cry for love. We acknowledge that fear is a manifestation of the ego and not the spirit. Everything outside of love is a hallucination.

These passages struck a cord with me because of what I have experienced in my own personal life. I know many of us as women seek relationships with others whether it be romantic or not to complete us. We look at our lack and try to find another person that can fill the gap. This concept leads to a distructive, unhealthy and unstable relationship. A relationship that has only been set up to fail. What we fail to realize at times is that we are already complete within ourselves. No one can add anything new to us that we don't already have within us. They can only reveal our capacity to love. They can only help awaken us and teach us about ourselves.

Our outward perception of ourselves is only recognized by the ego. Fear, anger, insecurites and control are all characteristics of the ego. We manifest these emotions because we fail to realize that we are already complete in LOVE. God's word says that perfect love casts out fear. When we are awaken to who we are in God we let go of fear. We let go of our past and the identities we have attached ourselves to. By letting go of the past we make room for miralcles. We can begin to forgive ourselves and others. Forgiveness is a dicernment between what is real and what is not real according to the book.

So when we seek to be in a relationship we can not go into it looking to be fulfilled. We can not go in it emotionally depleted looking to be filled up. We have to realize that God can only do that for us. We must realize that we are complete an the other person is complete in God. We can't look at their faults we must see the Glory of God in them. We must see the Glory of God within ourselves. You then come together for the greater glory of God. That is what a holy and acceptable relationship is to God.

Make It Real

I haven't really been posting a lot lately on this blog because God really has been dealing with me a whole lot. Everyday He ministers a word to me and then takes me down the path to manifest it in my life. I remember a couple of years ago when I was really going through a rough time in my life I would asked God to make His word real to me. I didn't just want to read the letter of His word. I wanted to see the spirit of it. I wanted to know how to apply it to my life so that I could be a manifestation of it and be able to teach others. It is one thing to minister to people with the letter but when you have been transformed by that word the message carries an anointing that breaks bondages. I so desired to be that manifestation of God's power. I didn't just want to say "God is good". I wanted to experience His goodness for myself so that I could have that power in my words.

Many of us have gone through things in our lives and don't understand why we have to go through them. We often times even doubt the presence of God in our lives because of all we have experienced. I know I did. In my darkest times I remember being so angry at God for not stepping in and stopping my pain. I remember several times wondering if God was even real. I heard about His miralces but my natural eyes had yet to see one take place in my life. Although now I know that my very life and existance is a miracle of God. At the time I was going through I couldn't see it. I was so blinded by my afflictions that I failed to see God's light constantly shining. What I have come to realize through these past years of my life is that our suffering is only experinced through our flesh. We have become so attached to the natural perception of things that we have become defined by them. The reason we must endure hardships in our lives is because we must be awaken to truth. God uses our hardships and reveals His power and glory through them. In my lack I realized that God is my provider. God is using the foolish things of this world to confound the wise. He is destroying the boundaries of our imagination to show us the unlimitation of His spirit. He is reconciling us all back unto Himself. He is awakening us to our true identity in Him.

Through our afflictions we are learning about our Father. We are learning about ourselves and what we have been designed to do on this earth. He is making His word real to us. He is working His word through us because we are the word of God. The bible says that we are living epistles read of men. We are the living word of God. Our life becomes an inspiration in the lives of others and they are then themselves awaken and reconciled back unto God.

Pressing Forward No Matter What

These last couple of weeks I have been dealing with some very personal and serious things in my family. I have felt down and sometimes scared. It is difficult sometimes when you see people dying in your family or going through severe medical circumstances. You start to question your own mortality and often times feel vulnerable. Although your life my not seem certain at times, you have to know God's plan is certain. No matter what may be happening in or around you, you must press forward and never look back. Your eyes must stay on the prize and you must live surrendered unto God. Only God knows His plans for you and you can not let life's uncertainties paralyze you. I know how difficult it is to not let your circumstances mold your mind. You have to be on your toes ready to fight. Ready to cast down imaginations. When that thought creeps in you have to lean not unto your own understanding. You can't give yourself time to attach yourself to the emotions. I know that it is important to give yourself time to grieve. I know that in our brokeness God's strength is perfected but you can't fold to the natural. You have to stay attached to God's word. You have to keep moving in the direction of your promise and trust that no matter what happens God has everything under control. You have to press forward no matter what.

Celebrate!!!!

Why wait for a special event to occur in order to celebrate? Everyday is a gift from God and reason enough for a celebration. My very breath and will to want to press on is enough reason to give God glory. Today I celebrate every accomplishment I have achieved whether it be small or big. Each step I take in this journey of life is a step closer to my destiny. It is not just about the destination but the significance of every step we take. We have a choice to look forward or dwell on our past. I choose to look forward and pursue my hearts desire. God's strength is my motivation and His love is the reason I live. I celebrate my life today because God has been just to good to sit back and wait. GLORY TO GOD!!!! Let the celebration begin!!!!

The Temple Of God

After 10+ years of dealing with weight issues and poor body image I have come to the realization that my struggle has been much deeper then the surface. It is difficult sometimes to get a hold on yourself when every other image you see is of a thin or inshape person. There is such a emphasis on beauty and happiness that we often strive to achieve weight loss for superficial reasons. We think that if we are not thin and beautiful then we can never achieve love, our dreams or even happiness. We live unhappy within this shell that we dispise so much we can't even bare to look at ourselves in clothes let alone naked. Come on let's keep it real. I know I have avoided many mirrors in my days. I have also told myself how ugly and disgusted I am with myself. I have literally cried and screamed with disappointment as I stood on the scale feeling so defeated. One day I wake up and feel on top of the world and the next I can't fit in my jeans and want to stay home in sweats all day. I literally became a hermet and depressed because I was so focused on my body image and had such a distorted perception about myself that I didn't want anyone else to look at me. Even though people would tell me I was pretty my mind couldn't grasp that concept. I couldn't embrace the compliment because I myself couldn't accept myself and the way I looked.

I do know that my childhood and past experiences had alot to do with the way I felt about myself but I wanted to move passed that. How could I finally get over this hump and conquer once and for all this battle of my weight and poor body image? How could I erase years of verbal and physical abuse that made me feel ugly and worthless? How could I stop trying to eat myself happy? I had tried so many weight loss pills and weight loss programs that did nothing but make me sick. I had already achieved a 50 pound weight loss but still needed to reach my personal goal. I also needed to learn how to accept myself and be happy with myself no matter what I thought I looked like. It was not just about losing weight it was also about changing my perception about myself. I wasn't that ugly little fat girl I grew up thinking I was. I needed to awaken to who I really was created to be in God. I needed to see myself as God saw me.

After years of "okay I will start monday" and excuse after excuse of why I couldn't be consistant, I finally got it. I finally received the words from God that set me free. I had to realize that it was okay for me to want to look beautiful and strong and feel healthy. I was not vain or selfish for wanting to look and feel a certain way. Maybe the years of verbal abuse had beat me down but I was ready to stand up and be noticed. I was ready to be all that God created me to be. I was ready to walk with God in the fullness. I AM beautiful because God created me....I AM fearfully and wonderfully made. I couldn't keep hiding within this shell of emotions. I had to take control of my emotions and start to respect my body for what it was. God created me....my body...every inch of my being to be a reflection of Him. My obedience and self control are a manifestation of His power. God said "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?" according to 1 Corinthians 3:16. My God!... how could I continue to abuse my body and not accept myself? How could I say I love God but not love myself enough to take care of myself? How could I do this when God Himself created me to be a vessel of glory. A vessel that contains His spirit. It is my job to be diligent about keeping my body sacred inside and out.


We must present ourselves a living sacrifice unto God according to Romans 12:1. It is our reasonable worship to lay down our emotions and put down that fork. We must become edcuated on proper nutrition and exercise so that we can maintain this TEMPLE. We must prove ourselves to be holy and acceptable. We must prove ourselves to be sacred and wellpleasing unto God. This is our reasonabe service unto God. It is not just about taking care of our spiritual being but we must do the same with our natural bodies. How can we glorify God if we are tired and stricken with disease. I know that He can show His glory in a body stricken with cancer but what I am trying to make clear is that it is my service or worship unto God to take care of this temple He has created to contain His spirit. I can not be negligent and allow my flesh and my emotions to destroy what God has marvelously designed.


I must prepare this body for God. I must be diligent in the upkeep of His temple. I must purify it and consecrate it so that it is wellpleasing unto Him. God goes on to say in 1 Corinthians 3:17 "If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy: for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are". We must be careful to not waste, corrupt or spoil God's temple. Many diseases and afflictions of the body are attributed to our own doings. "Be not deceived; God is not mocked for whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap" (Galatians 6:7). If I am defiling my body and eating unhealthy food, not exercising and getting proper sleep I will reap the consequences of that in my body. Just like we use prayer, worship and meditation to upkeep our spiritual beings. We must also cleanse and purify our natural temples that they may be sacred and wellpleasing unto God so that He can fulfill His purpose through you. All that I have been called and created to achieve for God is wrapped up in this package (His temple...my body) it is my job to keep it strong and healthy for Him. Amen.


My Prayer: Lord teach me how to take care of this body that you have created. I desire to be used for your glory. Show me how to be diligent in the upkeep of your temple so that I can be a manifestation of your power. I thank your for this body that you have created in your image and likeness for you said that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Cleanse my heart and my mind so that I can see myself through your eyes. I am your creation and all that you create is marvelous. I glorify you, In Jesus Name. Amen.

God's Love

I am so overwhelmed today when I think about God's love. It is amazing to me how someone can love you so unconditionally. How He could sacrifice His own son to bring us life. When I look back at where I came from I can't help but cry. I just can't believe how much God's love has transformed my life. Natural things and circumstances may have remained the same or may have even gotten worse but nothing can discribe the transformation that has taken place from within my heart. It is amazing how we can curse God and yell at Him for the way our life is going but He continues to love us without question. We can make mistakes and even doubt His existance and still His love remains the same.

Words can not even articulate how amazing God is. His love transforms and heals the places within us that we don't even know exist.

Lean Not Unto Your Own Understanding

Life sometimes has a way of knocking us down. It disrupts our plans. It can even leave us feeling vulnerable and scared. One day we are feeling victorious and the next defeated. I recently found myself feeling these emotions due to a chain of events that took place. I tried to wrap my mind around the reasons why. My carnal mind couldn't seem to come up with an answer and fear began to creep in. The only thing I knew was that I couldn't allow the images to form in my mind. I had to rest in the truth that always seems to set me free.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

The word "trust" means: refuge, be confident or sure, hope, be bold.
The word "heart" as I discussed in a previous blog means: feelings, the will and even the intellect, center of anything.
The word "lean" means: rest, lie, rely, to support one's self, stay.
The word "understanding" means: meaning, knowledge, wisdom.
The word "acknowledge" means: to know, be diligent, comprehend, have respect, recognition, designation.

So essentially what God is saying through this scripture is to let your feelings, thoughts and emotions take refuge in Him. Don't rest or rely in your own knowledge or understanding. Be diligent, know and recognize Him in all your ways....in all that you do, your thoughts, your trials and your dreams. He will direct your path. He will lead you by His spirt of truth.

So when life seems to keep knocking me down and I can't seem to understanding why. I must rest in God. I must take refuge in His word and not rely or rest on my own carnal understanding. I must be bold and confident in what He has promised me and not allow my circumstances to determine my destiny. God has it all under control if we would just trust in Him. We can't be self sufficient and think that our own thoughts and ideas will carry us through our trials or life. We must acknowledge...become awaken to the fact that we are one with Him. If we could shut off our minds for one second we could hear His direction.

Our carnal minds could never comprehend that vastness and depth that is God. God is unlimited. His ways are not our ways. Although we may experience loss or pain we can not allow ourselves to become paralyzed with fear or doubt. We can't allow ourselves to be defeated. God's word says that the weapons in our lives may form....those thoughts of defeat and sadness may form...BUT they will not prosper. They will not destroy the promises God has made to us. We can still be confident and bold to believe in all that He has spoken into our lives. We can keep walking forward with our heads up knowing that even though we don't understand, God does. He knows the thoughts He has towards us. When we can surrender our will then we can walk in the peace that surpasses all understanding. We can rest in HIM and say "Lord not my will BUT let thy will be done".

"When uncertainity forms that is when we become certain that God is in control".

Create

"For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible......all things were created by him, and for him." Col. 1:16

The word create means to make or fabricate. God made, designed and fabricated everything in heaven (spirit, unseen) and in earth (visible, natural). All things were created by him for him. We were created by Him in His image and likeness. If God is a creator and created all things and we were created like Him then we too are creators. Creativity is not obtained through natural means it is discovered in the spirit. As we begin to understand and awaken to our TRUE identity in Christ then we will walk in the power of that identity. There is so much inside of us that we have yet to achieve. There are untapped resources within us that have the answers and cures to many of the issues that plague our world today. Each person was designed to fulfill a calling and a destiny and we each have a gift to create a new level. A new heaven and a new earth. We have the ability to create a new level of understanding that will change the natural world we live in.

It is not all left up to the hands of God. God has given us dominion and power on this earth to fulfill His will and manifest His glory. We can't just sit back and expect our lives or situations to change if we are not walking out what God has called us to do. We can't expect Him to just plop millions in our laps and not put our hands to the plow. Whatever you are believing God for He has given you the power to create. If you are believing in a miracle of healing God gave you the power to speak and create that healing. If you are expecting the deliverance of a loved one God has given you the dominion and authority to speak that into existance. Maybe you are believing God to bless you with a business. God has also given you the wisdom and knowledge to go forth in faith and manifest that calling. Whatever God has called us to He has already prepared us for. He has already given us the keys to unlock the doors of our creativity. We are creators of the CREATOR. We are a product of Him. We don't live on this earth defeated and powerless.

I do belive that we have to educate ourselves and awaken the power within us. Whether it be to study the word of God or attend school to learn a skill. I also firmly believe that nothing can be added to us that God has not already equipped us with. If you are called to be a singer He already anointed you with the voice to do so. If you are called to be a fashion designer He already anointed you with the creativity to create SOMETHING out of NOTHING. If He called you to be a real estate investor He already anointed you with the wisdom to go forth and posses the land. All you have to do is awaken the power within you and develope your skills.

Many times we walk around this world feeling unfulfilled because we hold ourselves back. We are afraid of what others may think like I talked about in one of my posts. We are afraid of success because we don't want to cause attention. "What will people say?" "What will they think about me?" Sometimes we even feel unworthy. As did Mary when told she would carry the Son of God. Whatever gift God gave us we must go forth and boldly manifest it. We all have been called to contribute something magnificent to the world. He gave us wisdom to find out knowledge of witty inventions according to His word (Proverbs 8:12). God gave us all creativity through His wisdom. Not because we are worthy through our own works but to fulfill His will and bring Him glory. Remember, all things were created by Him for HIM. We were created for His good pleasure and all that we create is for His glory. Nothing we obtain is for our glory or vanity. Those who seek success for their own gain shall not find it. Success is for the Kingdom. Success is a reflection of your soul. Success is a state of mind. God's word says that we shall prosper even as our soul prospers. It is not just about prospering in finances or on our jobs. God also includes our relationships, health, state of mind and every area of your life.

Many have obtained wealth and success for their own vanity and gain but that doesn't mean they have peace or joy. Look at the state of the world today. God is talking to us. It is time that we put Him first and realize that all we obtain in the flesh must be maintained in the flesh. If God gave it to you through the spirit then it is eternal and their is no sorrow in it. God is doing a new thing in the earth. He is awakening a nation to their true identity in Him. I believe that cures for cancer, aids and many other disease will come forth in the new season. All of these things will be created by the spirit of God through yeilded vessels. Will you be one?

My Cup Runneth Over

As I blog today I am just filled with so much joy and gratitude. Nobody knows like I know what the Lord has done for me. No one knows about the private moments of solitude when I didn't want to even take another breath because I was so gripped with pain. My heart was broken. My mind was a warfield. I was so depressed and alone that I would rather die then feel another day of pain, rejection or disappointment. I remember crying like a baby and asking God to just take it all away. I was praying the storm away. Every ounce of me felt depleted? My life felt as if it weighed a thousand pounds and dragged behind me. My issues seemed never ending. I didn't think I could ever be happy again after all the sadness. It was as if life punched me in the stomach and took my breath away. How could I get back up again? How could I find the love to accept the people who hurt me the most? How could I love myself when no one else seemed to love me? How could I find the strength to keep pressing towards what my spirit new was truth? No one knows my personal pain but many have experienced their own.

I remember lying awake at night running scenarios through my head. How will this work out. Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? WHY? WHY? WHY Lord WHY? Everytime I thought I understood and had it figured out the floor was taken from beneath me again. Once I had gotten up from one knock down here came another blow. I had began to question if God was real and if He even cared for me. Did He even see the pain? Did He hear my cry? Why is He not sending help? Why doesn't He just make it all stop? Those times in my life felt so heavy. They were so heavy that they kept me on my knees. I constantly had to seek the Lord for His strength. Although I endured many horrible days and nights I also remember the nights when God ministered to my soul. I remember feeling His arms around me as I sat in the dark crying. I remember hearing His voice telling me to keep holding on. God never left me nor forsaked me. He was always surrounding me with His love.

Today I can look back at those times and see God's hand. I can see how He used those times when I didn't even know my name to show me my true identity in Him. He used the same pain I couldn't describe in words to know inspire others with words of truth and hope.

I now know that we suffer through our flesh. Our flesh or ego are our carnal perceptions that have been formed from our circumstances and surroundings. BUT, within us lies a truth that surpasses all understanding. It is a truth in spirit that takes what the enemy (our carnal mind) means for bad and turns it around for good. Not just to save and awaken you but to save much people....to save nations. God took what I percieved as a bad time and used it to give me the words to minister to others. The hardships were times when God came in and stripped me of false identities. He shaped me and molded me into a vessel that could contain all that He had prepared for me. I no longer leak the truth...I am no longer bleeding. I am healed and now my cup runneth over. I have so much joy and peace that I am able to minster words of hope to others. Today I praise and thank God for all the amazing things He is doing in my life. I am so overjoyed by His grace and mercy. His love saturates my soul. Today I send love, hope, peace and encouragement to all of those who think that they can't take it anymore. When you feel like you are at the end of your rope that is when you will realize that you are not alone. You are not sufficient in yourself. You need the spirit of God to minister to the wounds that have been bleeding for years. You need God's love to heal your heart and teach you to love others and yourself again. You need His strength to keep pressing through the difficult times. You need His wisdom to help you pursue your calling and His peace to sustain you when you feel all hope is gone.

Today as my cup runneth over I invite you to stretch out your hands and partake of these words of life.

In God's Love,
Papi's Girl

You CAN'T Fail

"LIVE LIKE YOU CAN NEVER FAIL"

Sometimes we live our lifes with so many fears and so many preconcieved notions. We live our lives holding on to our past and thinking that maybe life will never change for us because to this point it hasn't. We are unwilling to step forward into what God has promised us because we are afraid of failure. We are afraid to look stupid, we are afraid of what people may think or say about us. We make excuses for why we haven't pursued our dreams and our passions. WE ARE AFRAID TO FAIL because we believe LIFE HAS FAILED US.

What others have done to us has nothing to do with our substance. What we have done in our past has nothing to do with our substance. Our substance consists of TRUTH, God's word. The passions and the dreams that we have for ourselves are really God inspired. We have been ordained, predestined and even programmed to achieve amazing things in our lives. The difference between those who succeed and those who don't are EXCUSES! "I can't do this because of....." We set ourselves up to fail. We say ok I am going to try. To me "trying" really means you have already given yourself an option to fail. You already made a plan B. You are essentially saying "okay I am going to try it out and if it doesn't happen or work then I am going to.....".

What if we pursued our dreams and passions like there wasn't an option to fail? What if we stepped out on God's word and faithfully put our hand to the plow. The word fail actually has the following meanings: to forsake, to fall short of, be unable and to prove insufficient. Doesn't God's word say that He will never leave you nor forsake you. It also says that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. God also promises that His grace is sufficient for us. Nowhere does He give us the option to fail because we CAN'T. As long as we acknowledge God in all our ways and work through His anointing then everything we do will be blessed. It will be empowered to prosper and succeed.

Often times we do pursue our own fleshly desires and pray that God puts His stamp of approval on them. In those cases it seems like when our plans don't go through we have failed but really we haven't. God uses those situations and teaches us how to use wisdom. God turns it all around and uses it for your good. He uses what we see as failures as a chance to awaken and prosper us. We can never fail if the end result brings GLORY to God. Even when we do pursue what God has approved and we fall down His word tells us to get back up. We don't have to stay down. We can get back up and keep pursuing the dream, the vision, our calling. We can't focus on the times we fell. We have to keep pressing forward. We have to keep sowing our seeds of faith. Everytime we plow and everytime we sow we are planting a seed into our future. We are setting ourselves up for a plentiful harvest.

We have to know that God did not program us to be unsucessful. He did not design us to be unfruitful. He said be fruitful and multiply. He says that He desires for us to prosper and succeed. He takes pleasure in the prosperity of His servants. He is commited to helping us achieve all that He has ordained for us. It is not in our own abilities that we achieve our dreams. It is through Christ that all things are possible. It is through the anointing and the power that God has planted within you. IF you are pursuing God then all that you put your hands to shall prosper in due season. God says not by (your) might nor by (your) power but by His spirit that you shall do all these things. Get out of your own mind and seek the mind of Christ. Your opportunities are endless. If God is for you...if God is working it out....if God has your back then who can be against you.

Resistance may come but keep believing in His word. Stay faithful in your pursuit. God will honor your faithfulness. Don't have a slack hand. Educate yourself and reach for the stars.

LOVE, FAITH AND SUCCESS.

My Inspiration

I felt moved to blog today about the women that have inspired my life throughout the years. Some of them I have warred with but have realized that they have been my greatest influences. Others are gentle souls that may not even know that they have touched my life. Today I give them all the platform because they deserve it and maybe they will help inspire you.

The first woman and most important of them all is my mother. Although we spent alot of time apart her influences run deep in my life. She is a survivor and a miracle from God. My mother went through a very difficult childhood, had a couple of failed marriages, an abusive relationship, some other really personal issues and a battle with cancer but never gave up on life. I may not agree or even understand why she made some of the decision she made along the way but I can say that she made it out. She endured like a soldier and never complained. The most inspiring memories are when she was battling cancer. She was diagnosed with a brain tumor and never once said "why me?". She would only shed silent tears due to the pain she endured. I am so proud and overjoyed to say that her battle was short and she came out victorious. It has now been 5 years without a cell of cancer in sight. Glory be to God. I have always been a very sensitive person. I used to take things to heart. I would let others opinions of me break me down until there was almost nothing left. My mom used to say " you need to get thick skin, you can't let people get to you. Imagine if I let everything that happened to me affect me." Although she may not realize it those words did something to me. They gave me strength. Instead of letting me cry she would make me stand strong. That is one thing about my mom, she is one of the strongest women I know. No matter what comes her way and tries to knock her down...she rises again from out of the dust. I used to get so angry because my mom would rarely express her love for me. I really have no vivid memories of her showing me affection. I know understand that because I didn't have a father figure in my life she filled that place. I needed someone to tell me to toughen up. I needed someone to say get over it and keep moving. Now that I am older and wiser she is the embracing mother that I now need. I now have the relationship I always wanted with her. I am so inspired and motivated by my mothers preserverance and I know God has blessed me with her so I can be the same for my daughter. She helped mold me into the women I am today. It is her warrior spirit that has sustained me through my journey. Thank you Mom. I love you.

My grandma is another woman who has given me so much strength. She is a strong independent woman that once owned her own business. Although she was always in a relationship she was the type of woman that knew how to take care of herself. She had a keychain that said "The best man for the job is a woman". She exemplified that quote to the T. Nana Lulu is what I called her. Nana always had it covered. What ever you needed fixed she had it taken care of. If she didn't know how she would find out how. She didn't need to play the helpless woman role, she got it done. I was Nana's little angel. My Nana always had me decked out in the best threads. I was her pride and joy and she treated me like I was her daughter. My mom was a teen mom so my Nana helped take care of me while my mom finished growing up. I remember my Nana always being there for me and my mom no matter what mistakes my mom made. We could always count on her to be there in our time of need. Another thing that influenced me was her tenacity for life. It didn't matter what she went through she got back up and tried it again. Hence her 4 marriages. :) Nana always took care of herself and had it going on. She carried herself with dignity and pride. I honor my Nana and thank God for her spirit of tenacity and strength.

Although my little princess in not yet a woman she carries herself like one. She has such a strong faith. I thank God for her because when times are rough she has a word to pull me through. She may only be 10 but her wisdom is beyond comprehension. It has to be the spirit of God that ministers through her because she always knows what to say and do to encourage me. When I found out I was going to have my little girl I picked Faith for her middle name. I never knew that she would be the faith I needed when I didn't know how I would pull through. Thank you baby for being my little rock. You are my little rocker girl. I know God has such amazing things for you. Your compassion and heart are so unique. Always remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Mommy loves you so much. I thank and praise God for your faith.

My mother in law is someone that I look up too and respect. She has been through so many things in her life including a divorce and a battle with breast cancer. She never gave in or gave up. She grabbed her boots by the straps and keep moving forward come rain or shine. She may have her days of doubt and sadness but her joyful days out number them. She has such a BIG heart and gives so much of herself unselfishly. If I am having a bad day or need help she lightens my load. She reminds me that I have to keep moving....keep going....you can't stay down. She may not say it with her mouth but her actions speak volumes. I know that no matter what if she has it she will give it. She will always be here for me and I thank and honor God for her heart of GIVING and JOY.

Last but not least, the next woman I look up to may come as a surprise to her but I have to give her her props. My dearest BFF, Words can not express the love I have for you. I always desired to have a sister in my life and God listened because He blessed me with you. I can always be myself around you. I don't have to hide my pain or weakness because you accept me as I am. Your love is my strength. I don't know sometimes how you endure the things you do. I know you don't know either but I know it has to do with your heart. You have such a love for God and His people and you inspire me to be so much more. I know you say that you look to me as your mentor but you don't even know how much you give to me. Just the fact that you allow me to minister to you in the midst of my craziness gives me hope...LOL! God can use me no matter what, right? I thank you for always wanting to spend time with me. I thank you for loving me and my baby unconditionally. I thank you for your hugs that almost take my breath away....literally. :) Thanks for always being willing to go to the "ends of the earth" for me. Oh and thanks for all the snacks you have provided me when I am hungry. My dear BFF I know our friendship is divinely ordered by God and He has such BIG things planned for us. I praise and thank God for your spirit of LOVE.

Each of these women have been through some very difficult and trying times. For their privacy I have chosen not to share them in detail. I have chosen to focus on the gifts that they have contributed to my life. One thing I know for sure is that they have all sowed seed in my land and the harvest is plentiful. Thank you God for these wonderful, beautiful, powerful and courageous women. There are many more that have left footprints on my heart but these are the ones that have been here from the start and continue to leave impressions on a daily basis. I love you all.

Change of Heart

I was touched today while watching Oprah interview Whitney Houston. God ministered to my heart during the interview but really showed up when she sang that beautiful and powerful song. The words she spoke were like a knife cutting into my soul. She said "she was not built to be broken....she didn't know her own strength". Many times when we go through difficult situations in our lives and we say "God is breaking me" or "I am broken". What does that really mean? The scriptures say that "A BONE OF HIM SHALL NOT BE BROKEN". That prophecy was fulfilled when Jesus was crucified on the cross according to John 19:33. In Verse 31 Pilate had told the soldiers to break the legs of the bodies that were on the cross. In Verse 32 they broke the legs of the first and the other which was crucified with him. BUT....in verse 33 it says "But when they came to Jesus, and saw that he was dead already, they brake not his legs:"

When the bible speaks of the bone it is a symbolization of the foundation. Our bones are the frame work on which our body is built upon. The earth was framed by the word of God. God created something out of nothing. He created what is seen by what is unseen. He created the earth by faith which is the spoken word. The bible says that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. Faith is what your foundation is. You were built by faith. God formed you from faith. You are spirit the spoken word of God. No matter what you may go through. Not matter what tries to come against you.....YOU CAN NOT BE BROKEN. God's word can never be broken. His word can never return void. What God has spoken into your life before the foundation of this world it will be established. It doesn't matter what your life or circumstance looks like now you will overcome it all by the power of God.

What does get broken is our heart. That is what causes us to feel pain and disappointment. It causes us to have anger, resentment, jealousy and fear. God's word says to guard your heart for out of it flow the issues of life. The heart represents our intellect, our understanding, our mind, our will, our feelings and the center of anything. So essentially what God is saying is that we should protect our minds and our feelings. Thoughts are formed by sight and then they form images in our minds. So when you see that all hell is breaking loose in your life, your husband is tripping, your money is looking funny and your health is declining an image forms in your mind. Your thoughts become "Oh my God what do I do?". " Am I going to die?". "How am I ever going to get out of this situation?". "Should I get a divorce?". "Am I going to lose my house and everything I own?". Our minds automatically start to conform (come into agreement, or into compliance) with what we see with our natural eyes instead of remembering who we are and who is in control of your life. God's word say "be ye not conformed into the image of this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind".

So as we see things and they form in our minds we then begin to speak them and create them just as God created the heavens and the earth. We have the same power and anointing that God has to form our world. That is why God says to guard our heart for out of it flow the issues of life. It is not about what someone else did to you. It is not about the economy. It is about what you have accepted to believe as truth for your life. Let me get really personal and tell you about my life right now. Currently my natural circumstance says I am unemployed and separated from my husband. Does that mean I am broken? No. God says that "A BONE OF HIM SHALL NOT BE BROKEN". The only thing that can be broken is my perception, my feelings, my will, my intellect, my understanding and the center of my life. What goes unbroken is my foundation...the truth that dwells within me. I have to begin to see my life as complete and prosperous according to God's word. I can't see myself as defeated and in turmoil. I must recognize my own strength that comes from the Lord. The center of my everything is God. He dwells within in me and His spirit flows into everything I do. His word says to "lean not unto our own understanding but acknowlege Him in all our ways". I can't worry about trying to understand why I don't have a job yet or why my husband is not home with me. I have to believe in God. I have to rest in Him and trust that He is in control. I have to remember that He wants what is best for me and right now what is best for me is having the opportunity to minister to you through these blogs.

Always remember that you were not made to be broken. Your heart may break but that is just God's way of breaking you from your way of seeing things so that He can bring His perfect plan into your life and heal you of your issues. You are His vessel let Him do with you as He pleases. You are made for His good pleasure. What your natural mind percieves as your weakness God's strength...His power....His word is made perfect in it. In verse 33 it said that the soldiers had saw that he (Jesus) was dead already so they did not brake his legs. What that means is that Jesus surrendered His spirit to God. He surrendered His life, His perception, His feelings, His intellect and His heart so that the prophecy could be fulfilled. So that God's word could be unbroken. So that God's will for Him could be established on the earth. So that His death and resurrection could bring life to us. The calling on His life was fulfilled through Him surrendering to God. Even though Jesus went through pain He knew His life was meant to bring life to others. He said "Father not my will but your will be done". So are you on this earth...you are a manifestation of God on this earth. Your pain and broken heart are meant to inspire and bring life to others. Surrender yourself today and let God change your heart.

****Had it not been for all that Whitney Houston went through she wouldn't have been able to minister this word to my spirit with such power. I give honor and praises to God for her. She was a sacrifice for many to receive life. This blog is dedicated to her and to all the women that have given of themselves to inspire others.

Peace, Love and Power to ALL. Amen.

Perfect Love

And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwellth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgement: because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:16-18

I found myself living in fear. Wondering what if this happens and what if that doesn't happen. What if....what if.....what if? My life was so driven by fear. I lived in torment each day. Somedays I had a smile on my face and other days I couldn't stop crying. Often times I lived with anger and just wanted to scream or hurt someone.

These emotions were so really to me that I often times wondered why was I even alive anymore. As if my only way of peace would be death. Tears fill my eyes now just thinkng of the nights I laid awake with anxiety, fear and despair. My own mind was my worst enemy. I felt like a failure at times for not being where I thought I needed to be in life. I beat myself up for all the times I lost it. I lost my joy and my peace. I lost my mind. How could I lose it? How could I be so unstable when I knew in my mind that God loved me? How could I hate myself so much when I was taught that God was within me? I was tired of losing it. I was tired of riding the rollercoaster of emotions that tormented me day and night. How could I escape the bondages of my soul? How could I live with peace and joy in my heart when I felt so depleted, broken and alone?

I realized that all of my fear and torment came from the relationships I had in my past. I was wounded by people that I believed loved me so much. Fear often forms when we are wounded, disappointed, rejected and neglected. Love is the opposite of fear. It is nuturing. It embraces us and gives us a sense of security. Love sets us free. When we don't feel that security we feel vulnerable. Instead of putting ourselves out there and walking in freedom we shelter ourselves and place ourselves in bondage. We hide ourselves and never give ourselves the chance to experience true love. We never give ourselves the chance to walk in our true identity. Love is not just about a relationship with a loved one or a friend. Love is not just an emotion we feel. Love is really who we are.


The word of God says that God is love. It says that God dwells within us. So if God is love and dwells within us then we are love too. Love is our true identity. When we are awaken to the revelation that we are love then all fears and insecurities are cast out. We no longer walk in the bondages of our past because we realize that our past is not who we are. We don't have to live in the constant torment of disappointments. We don't have to protect ourselves from the world. One bad decision or failure does not mean you will always have them. When you learn that God loves you and will never forsake you then it doesn't matter who is or isn't in your life. I doesn't matter who abused you or let you down. Your past does not define you. You are love. You are unlimited in love. You can walk with boldness and take possesion of what God has promised you.


Remember the song: "Looking for love in all the wrong places"? That is what we do. We think that we are made complete in a relationship. We seek love from others. Whether it be from a man, a friend or a family member. We often times think that our healing comes from others. The word of God actually says that "He that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect." The word perfect means complete, of full age. The only way to be complete is to go back to where you came from. We are from God so "herein" is where you are completed....healed and made whole through love. Being perfect in God's love does not mean you will not experience pain or grief. It only means that it will not label you...it will not define you...it will not hinder you or keep you from fulfilling God's will.

I know how scary it is to confront your past. I know how difficult it is to confront those people that have broken your heart. I do believe without a shadow of a doubt that it is very important in the healing processes. Many times we sweep emotions under the rug and hope they just go away. What we fail to realize is that by releasing those feelings you break the chains that have keep you living in fear. Our relationships or experiences often define our relationship with God. We can't get past the lack of trust we have with our loved one so then we don't trust God. We can never be perfected in love if we don't let go of the past. We can never walk forth in our true identity in the kingdom of God if we keep looking back.

We must look within. We must unwrap the bandages of our wounds so they can heal. We must open our hearts again and embrace love. We must embrace life. We must embrace ourselves and give ourselves the opportunity to feel love....to love ourselves....and yes, even to love those that have hurt us.

One in Love

Why do we feel the need to defend our beliefs? Don't we all have the right to our own opinions?

We have all been made unique by God. We all endure different hardships and victories to fulfill a specific purpose. Not everyone has been called to perform the same job in the Kingdom but we have all been called to magnify God.....bring glory to His name....and walk in Truth. Each persons truth is specific to their journey. Although we may not agree with one another we must embrace and recieve one another with the same love God has accepted us in. It is not about who is right or wrong. It is about the purpose. We all have a purpose and we all endure circumstances to reveal a truth on this earth that couldn't be revealed otherwise. We each play a part in the awakening of human consciousness. Through the pain we are moved into healing. Through the darkness we are awakened to the light. What I learn from my journey may be different from you but I can still love you. I can still allow you to be who God has called you to be.


Many times we judge or debate our beliefs in order to defend our human, egoic identity. We attach ourselves to thoughts and perceptions that often times create more death then life. We feel that what we believe is the only truth and everyone else is wrong. We form a shell of protection around ourselves in order to find our sense of self. "If I am wrong then what is truth?" "If I am not who I think I am then who am I?" It is very scary to lose our own percieved identity that we have created in the realm of form. It is hard for our carnal mind to wrap itself around the unlimited realm of the spirit. The world catagorizes us by our religions, beliefs, nationality, economic status, education, etc. In the spirit we are all one. We are all righteous under the mighty name of God. We are cleansed by His blood and their is no shame or condemnation. Their is no judgement in the spirit. God says lean not unto your own understanding but acknowledge Me in all your ways. We must not lean or trust in our own beliefs as the ultimate and only truth. We must acknowlegde....recognize....awaken to the fact that God is in ALL things.



God does place certain people in our lives to reveal our weaknesses and where we still need to be set free but He also reveals where we have power, grace and love. We are all one in the spirit. We all become sacrifices one for another. We are all a part of a greater picture. We all play a part in a greater calling or mission. If we can stop fighting and trying to defend our beliefs then we can all walk as one in unity and bring peace and healing to the world. Resistance only makes the issues greater. Surrender brings change.

Poem

In my brokeness God came to redeem me. He took me from the hands of the enemy. He released the shackles from my mind.....the scales from my eyes. He awoke me out of the dream that said I was insignificant and of no use. His loving arms embraced my damaged heart. His love...His love was a refuge for my soul. When darkness rushed in His truth illuminated the way. Nothing could stand between us. He redeemed me. Enveloped me. Surrounded me with His love. All fear was cast out. My spirit set free. No longer was I bound by the thoughts of loneliness, pain and sorrow. Joy unspeakable was now my home.

My Heart

How many of us carry around baggage from our past? Whether it be from our childhood or a failed marriage. Maybe a business we had to close or a home we lost. We build up walls and dig trenches around our hearts so that no one or nothing can hurt us again. Some of us build hard exteriors and act like we don't care what anyone thinks about us. Some put on a happy face so that no one can see their pain and sorrow. We walk around with masks pretending like we are okay. BUT.....No one knows the private intimate thoughts we have going on in our heads. No one can see the cracks and bruises on our hearts. We say we are okay and we have moved on with our lives but like a flood the emotions come rushing in again.

For many years I have struggled with the broken relationships I have had with my parents and my husband. Although my mom and I are close now there was a time when that wasn't so. I had to open up my heart and let her know the pain and anger I had towards her. Today I had to do the same with my father. I don't hate either one of them. I forgive them for what they did or didn't do. I love them with all my heart but I needed to still heal. You can still love with a broken heart.

For many years I blamed them for the way my life played out. I had resentment and anger towards them. I later realized that all I had gone through was ordained by God. I couldn't continue to go around acting like a victim. Yes, I endured pain and disappointments but they drove me closer to God. God says that His strength is made perfect in weakness. So when I felt most vulnerable and alone God was perfecting His love in me. When I felt angry God was perfecting His peace. When I felt sad He was perfecting His joy. What the enemy meant for bad God turned it around for my good. What is good for me may not always feel good. There are times when we don't want to face the pain. There are times when we would rather eat or drink our emotions away. God has a way of stripping us until we are naked, vulernable and willing to surrender.

You see through all of the pain I endured in my life I have come to know God more intimately. I have learned about myself. God and I are one so how can I do one without the other. God's thoughts for us are not evil. He wishes to prosper us and heal us. He desires to use us for His glory. He designed us to endure hardships and come out on the other side victorious.

The key to healing our hearts is to fully surrender them to God. We must completely trust that He wants what is best for us. We must realize that our pain can hold us back if we don't let it go. Like a cancer it can eat up our dreams, our marriages, our careers, our family and our children. How? By not allowing us to fully live and give all of ourselves. We don't believe in ourselves because of our trust issues. We are unhappy so we make everyone around us unhappy. We are depressed so we call in to work all the time so we can stay home and cry. We are angry so we yell at our kids or family members, especially those that hurt us. I know becaue I did all of this.

I can't blame anyone for where I am in my life. They were just vessels God used to get me to my point of surrender. So that I can awaken out of this dream and move into my life's purpose. I had to learn that I was not the abandoned, rejected and unloved little girl I grew up thinking I was. I am not my circumstance.....I am not my story.......I am not a victim. God says I am an overcomer. I can have a successful marriage and relationship with my parents. I can start a business and live a prosperous life. I can help awaken others to truth and heal nations. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

I can take all the strength God has instilled in me and overcome every adversity. I know who I am and know that what I went through does not determine my destiny. God is in control of my life and that is okay with me.

Fearfully and Wonderfully

I will praise thee: for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

Psalms 139: 14

You have been made and fashioned to be profoundly awed, respected and loved. You are different, unique, and set apart. God designed you for His glory. You are made in His image and after His likeness according to Genesis 1:26. You are a respresentative of God and resemble Him in character. His spirit is one with yours. You are perfect and complete in Him.

So many women deal with issues of low self esteem due to poor body image. We are bombarded with images of what the media portrays as perfect and beautiful. Our little girls are growing up thinking they have to look like a Barbie or Bratz doll to be beautiful. A size 12 is now considered full figured by some women. Diet pills and diets are all the rage. Eating disorders plague our college campuses. Women find it okay to portray themselves as stupid or easy to attract a man. Some women even allow men to abuse them physically, mentally or sexually.

Why is it that we allow this to affect us? Why do we allow ourselves to be abused and taken advantage of?

God has made us to be awed, respected and loved. He has made us in His image and after His likeness. We should carry ourselves with pride and respect. No man or media has the right to tell us that we are not worthy or beautiful. We are God's mighty work. Marvellous are God's works. You are a miracle.

Your beauty is much deeper then what the natural eye can percieve. Don't allow yourself to be a part of the illusion anymore. Open the eyes of your soul and begin to embrace who you are in the spirit. When you begin to see yourself as God's sees you so will everyone else.

Superwoman

My heart aches as I write this thinking about the millions and millions of women who live their lives unfulfilled. The are proud to be mothers and do a super job at it but what about themselves. We live frustrated with the world and blame everyone else for how we feel. We expect our lives to change but yet leave it in the hands of someone else. We give away the power and authority that God has given us. We wake up feeling used and go to sleep feeling lonely. How can we live in this life when we can't even stand to look at ourselves in the mirror? How can I be a mother when I don't even know my own name anymore? I have taken on so many titles and responsibilities that I no longer have a sense of purpose of my own. How do I begin living a life for myself when everyone else depends on me? Is it selfish to want to run away and leave everything behind?

These are very real feelings that we feel as women because we do give so much of our energy to nuture the lives of others. In the process of raising a family we lose our own identity. We forget how beautiful we are because we don't wear a size 8 anymore, we have stretch marks, our hair is thining out and we are growing hair in areas that we once thought only men grew them in. (lip, chin..etc.)

Have you ever felt like life was not worth living anymore? Did you ever feel like no one understood or even cared about the emptiness you feel inside? "Can anyone see my pain?". "Does anyone know that I am so depleted I can't even stand?". I speak these things from a very personal place because I did once feel all of this. I know many women who still do. I also know there are many who are ashamed to admit they do.

You see we feel that we are supposed to be strong....always hold it together because we are moms. "I can't show weakness because I am my childrens' role model." Hello! Weakness is not a bad thing. It is actually a sign of virtue. How can I ever be strong and know my worth unless the shell breaks? Your true beauty, value and strength comes from the ability to be vulnerable and compassionate....it comes from the inside. "In your weakness, God's strength is made perfect".

I personally have had many powerful and uplifting talks about life with my daughter when I was broken. It is important that our children learn that even if you have a bad day you can turn it around. They need to learn how to process emotions and move through life. We have to realize that every emotion that we feel is valid and has a place in the journey of self discovery. The closer we get to awakening the harder the struggle. We are breaking bondages and minsets that have been a part of us for many years.

Have you ever let a pan or plate sit dirty for several hours or even days? How hard is it to clean? Or have you ever tried to unscrew a rusty bolt? They only way to get that plate clean is to emerce it in some soapy water and let it soak. They only way to unscrew that bolt sometimes is to spray some grease or oil on it. That is what must take place when we are breaking out of our shell....out of our set mindsets. We have to be broken and allow the emotions to draw out the truth that is within us. We have to let God's truth (the water) cleanse us (soap) and heal us. We have to let the anointing (the grease, the oil) loosen the bondages.

We have all been designed to fulfill a purpose. God has ordained each of us to play a very important part in the restoration of His kingdom and in the reconciliation of His family. God invites us all to this marriage according to His word but only few accept the invitation. Only few take on the infirmities and burdens of His people to bring about freedom and life. Just as there are only a few soldiers that fight to defend our country. Your calling or purpose may not be to preach or start a ministry. God has a different purpose for each person. Some may be called to be teachers and enrich the lives of the next generation. Some may be called to be leaders in politics and change the nation (hello Obama). Others may just be called to be great mothers and wives and be a role model to someone that never had one in their life. None is greater then the other because they all serve the same mission.....to Glorify God and save His people. To awaken a nation and stop the self inflicted pain.

Sometimes we think that this life we live is really "OUR life". We get into this "MY Life" mindset. We have pitty parties with ourselves because we feel personally attacked or threatened when life isn't the way we want it. We have to realize that we are all God's children and His vessels. He allows certain situations to happen in order to steer us in the path of His calling for our life. It is about His purpose and His glory.

How do I endure hardship and still believe? How do I find purpose in all this caos? How do I keep myself from ripping someones head off? :) You awaken to the fact that God has called you. He has ordained you and all that you are going through is for His purpose. More then anything you must know without a shadow of a doubt that He loves you. "Perfect love casts out all fear." Fear tries to keep you in control and doesn't allow you to move by God's spirit, into your destiny. When we surrender to God's love we can then begin to see His glory revealed in us. We can begin to awaken to our true identity and live in peace and joy.

You know when your child does something "bad"? You know that they are not bad kids because you know their hearts. You understand that maybe they have learned a trait or mannerism from another child. Or maybe they just need to mature. You love them the same but you know they need to be punished or corrected because if not they will do it again. Sometimes we put them in time out or ground them without certain priviliges. They get so mad and say "mom when can I come out of the room". " Mom when can I watch TV". Sometimes they even say they hate you, never want to see you again or "I wish you weren't my mom". They go in their rooms and scream their heads off. Does any of that sound familiar? It should because many of US as adults do that with God. "Lord, why must I go through this"...."how much longer must I stay in this marriage"...."how much longer must I be unemployed". Can it be that the trial you are going through is preparing you for a greater purpose? Can it be that the marriage you are in is revealing your heart? Can it be that this time out of work is giving you time alone with God so He can heal your heart?

The number one thing is like I said GOD LOVES YOU. His thoughts of you are not to hurt you. He wants to prosper you. We love our children but we must show them the way so that they can mature and be all that they have been called to be. God does the same with us.

We often get lost playing roles. We lose our identity trying to develope others'. Then one day God says that is enough. Our spirits begin to stir and we become frustrated. You see our spirits know truth and deep down inside we know there is more. We know that we have been called...invited and we have excepted that call..the invitation to the marriage. All your history becomes HIStory. He uses your life to draw people unto Himself. He uses your life to affect a nation not just your family. You are a SUPERWOMAN. You have super powers and you have been designed to soar above every circumstance that comes up against you. Take responsibility for your own life and put it in the hands of God. You are His and He is yours. You are a woman of virtue. Do you understand how amazing it is to be a woman? You are tender enough to love unconditionally but yet strong enough to bring forth life. Glory to God.

Are You Truly Living?

Are you truly living or are you just surviving? It is so easy to get distracted with our day to day routines. We do this over here and then we have that over there. Mom's especially know all to well what it is to be on autopilot. We have the dinner in the oven, the laundry washing, the kids at the table doing homework as we are writing out the bills. Yes, these are all important parts of our day to day lives because they help us to survive but what else is there? Do you feel fulfilled? Do you feel yourself? Do you do these things with love in your heart or are they more like chores and burdens? Sometimes I catch myself snapping for no apparent reason....easily irratated. Have you ever felt that way? I know for most women we have happily accepted the role as a mother, wife, caregiver, taxi driver and maid. Not to mention many of us even have a 40 hour a week job. Although our plates are full and we don't know where one thing ends and another begins we feel like something is missing. Can it be that we often fill our lives with so much to numb the unfulfilled and broken areas in our lives? You once had a dream and now it is in the junk drawer with all the other nick nacks that have no place. What happened to your spunk, what happened to your sensuality, what happened to your joy? Did you throw it away? Did you place it on the back burner because your kids lives are more important? Well it is time you look for it. It is time you start living and not just surviving. Stop wearing all the masks that hide your true emotions. Stop acting like your ok because you don't want anyone to see you fall apart. After all you are the one holding it all together for the family.

What happens if I pursue my dream and I fail? I can't waste time on myself when everyone else needs me. I barely have time to shower and paint my own nails....forget going to school or taking time out to go to the gym. These R the conversations we have with ourselves. We live frustrated and unfulfilled because we think that when we got married or had children we had to trade our lives in. That is the furthest thing from the truth. This is when we are truly supposed to be living. How can we be a good caregiver if we don't care for ourselves? How can I tell my daughter to reach for the stars when I haven't reached for mine? We can't neglect ourselves. We have to embrace our relationships but know when it's time to let go and take care of ourselves. It is not selfish to take time out to pamper yourself, lock yourself in a room to meditate or even dream about starting a business of your own. I know we often feel guilty when we take time away from our kids. We think that we need to stay with them 24/7 or they will feel abandoned. What about you? Why have you abandoned yourself?

It's time we teach our children by example. It's time we become the best moms, wives and business women possible. By putting ourselves and our dreams on the TO DO LIST.

GODSTEM

Growing up I always felt left out and alone. Remember in school when you would be picking teams for a sport. Each team captain would take turns saying the name of the kid they wanted on their team. You hoped someone would say your name so you weren't the last one left. If you were the last one you felt like a loser. Like you weren't good enough....you didn't fit in...nobody even knew you existed. That was me the majority of my life. One day I was driving to work after I found out my husband had cheated on me. I was so sad and felt like nobody cared.....nobody loved me. I felt like that little kid who got picked last. My heart felt so broken....I could hardly breathe. I really just wanted to take my car and crash into a pole or something because I just hurt so bad. I didn't want to feel the pain anymore. I didn't want to deal with the feelings of loneliness and rejection. I would rather just die. Then I heard God say to me "You're on my team....I have chosen you". What I came to realize was that before I was ever in my mothers womb according to God's word.....He knew me....He loved me....He ordained me. I didn't need anyone to accept me or love me. I had God's approval. "If God be for me then who could be against me". That was such a comforting and healing feeling. I personalized my car plates with "GODSTEM" on it. Not because I believe in Good vs Bad but because I was chosen by GOD. I am on His team.

I later also realized what else those plates read "GOD STEM". I am a stem of God. I am a part of Him. He is the tree and we are the branches. It doesn't matter where you go in life or what you do. You are always a part of Him. We are always attached to Him. He promised us that He would never leave us nor forsake us. So although my daddy and my husband left me.....God will never leave me. I don't have to feel alone. I don't have to feel rejected because I always have MY FATHER and MY HUSBAND around. His name is God.

Rehabilitation

So lately I have been dealing with my grandmother's illness. She was diagnosed several years ago with Alzheimer's. My grandma who I have called Nana my whole life was like my mother. She helped raise me because my mom was a young teen mother and my dad was never around. I have a very special place in my heart for her and though I have peace with what she is going through right now I wish my little girl could have known her like I did. So anyways, My reason for this blog today is to share with you what God revealed to me the other day when I was visiting her at her new assisted living home. It is crazy how God speaks to me about situations that so many look at naturally. He reveals His spirit through them because really that is what this illusion is all about....spirit. My grandmas situation occured to show me something about myself and about life. So this is how the story goes. Well my grandma has just recently been placed in an assisted living home because her husband could not longer take care of her. Her husband has tried to keep her family away from her. He is a very controling and unstable man. The last time I spent time with her was about a month ago. I had picked her up from her house when her caretaker was watching her. Her husband was at work that is the only time we can see her. Pretty sad but that is how it has been. So I took her to my house and made dinner. She was perfectly fine. The average person would not be able to see there was anything wrong with her until she starts talking because she doesn't make scense. We ate dinner and she did fine. She fed herself and was upbeat and happy. Then we went to visit my mom so she could see her. I took her home around 8pm. The reason I am telling you all this in detail is so that you can see the difference from her state now. So currently she is in a wheelchair unable to walk because she was placed in a hospital prior to her assisted living home for 4 days. She was bound to her bed and unable to get up on her own for fear that she would leave or try to hurt herself or others. Due to her apparent "attack" on her husband. A week ago she was unable to feed herself or even speak. She was heavily medicated in the hospital and pretty out of it when I first saw her. As of this saturday I saw her and she is doing better with feeding herself. I try to encourage her to feed herself when I am there during her dinner. The reason she lost all of her normal function is because of muscle memory. Because she was not allowed to do anything for herself she lost memory of it that fast. So it really got me to thinking about myself. To be honest with you everyone else as well.

This is what God showed me about myself. Like I have said in my other blogs we are all spiritual beings and many of us are still unconscious and unaware of what we truly are. We are unaware of the power that we have within us. We are unaware of the authority God has given us. Because we are unaware of this power we don't even use it. We walk around feeling defeated and victimized. We feel afraid to pursue our dreams and visions because we don't feel adequate enough. You know that vision you have for you and your family? God has an even greater one and He has already equipped you to obtain it. We have to awaken that memory....we have to renew our minds to walk according to the ordinances of God. We can't walk around here feeling defeated and disgusted. We must remember that we have been called....set apart for a greater plan. It is hard to snap out of our pitty parties sometimes because we are so accustomed to playing the "whoa is me" role. Let's stop talking about what we have been through. Let's stop thinking about the failures and the disappointments. Let's awaken to the truth. Everything you thought was failure was really a set up. How could we search for the light if we were never in darkness. The bible says that what the enemy meant for bad God will turn around for your God to save much people alive. It is not about your failure. It is about showing others that even though you fell down you still got back up. You stepped over your fears and pursued your dreams. Don't forget who you are. Don't lay dormant and lose your power. You have been called to walk this earth with authority. God has designed you to weather the storm and come out on the other side of your pain.

So on Friday the physical therapist came to visit my grandma to help her regain her walking. Although it was a little challenge she did wonderful with our assistance and the assistance of a walker. She also massaged her legs and did some exercises with her legs while she laid on the bed. She mentioned how when she was rotating her hips she could tell my grandma was guarding herself. Like she was afraid to feel the pain so she wouldn't let go and allow the full rotation. The therapist said she must of been hurt and is afraid to trust me. How many of us feel that way? How many of us have been hurt in a relationship and are afraid to love again. How many of us are afraid to trust God because of what another person did to us. I know that was me. My dad never kept his promises and so subconsciously I didn't trust anyone else. That even carried on into my marriage. I set myself up for that disappointment because I guarded myself from feeling the pain. I didn't know that I was still wounded from when I was a little girl. I didn't know that I was causing my own pain because I wouldn't open up my heart and let myself feel love. I expected to be hurt and rejected. Remember our issues of life flow from our hearts and as a man thinketh in his heart so is he. So we have to learn to trust again. Like my grandma eventually did. We have to learn to allow the full rotation.....the process of healing and rehabilation to take place. We can stand up and walk again by faith. Don't forget who you are. You were created by faith. God spoke you and mold you into existance out of nothing.