Learning to Live

The past couple of years I have been struggling with so many emotions. It seemed like they had taken me hostage. I was living in fear because of all of the things I had experienced in my past. Part of me was really hiding from feeling anymore rejection and pain. I didn't want to love myself or others because love had always disappointed me in the past. I was afraid to feel happy or joy. I was even afraid to be at peace. My ego constantly craved drama because it was familiar to me. It was something that made me feel secure even though it tormented me.

As I began to become awaken to my identity in Christ I realized that my emotions did not define me. They did not have power over me and I could surrender them. I could stand tall and be confident in who God created me to be. It didn't matter that I was abused as a child. It didn't matter that my father had left me. It didn't even matter that my husband committed adultery. I was not defined by those events that took place in my life. I could stand strong and believe in myself because who I am is a child of God. I am God's marvelous glory and He takes pleasure in me. He rejoices over me. He fights for me so that I can rest in His peace. I can take refuge in His presence that is ever present in my life.

Although I struggled many years with thoughts of loneliness I am now set free. I now know that I am never alone because the spirit of God dwells within me. When I feel insecure about myself I remember to whom I belong. My father is a savior. He died so that I may live. I can't walk this earth feeling defeated or sad for the things that I have lost.....for what I have lost in the natural, in the spirit I have gained. It was not a loss but rather a surrender in order for Him to increase within me. My perception has been broken and His glory shines bright. No one could ever tell me that God doesn't exist because in His arms I rest every night.

So now as I awaken every morning to the rising of the SON. I embrace every moment, every emotion that fills my heart. God has been good to me, too good not to live my life with passion. I am learning to live now not just exist...but to fill my lungs with His spirit and walk according to His word. I live for His people for my life is not my own. Ever tribulation, miss step and confused thought has been formed to reveal the truth. My sword has been sharpened through the battle. My story has become His story. It is not about my glory or pain. I now must open my mouth and speak the words of life that fill my belly. Springing forth they shall come and saturate every area of my life. Thank you Lord for now I have learned to live.......LIVE IN AND THROUGH YOU.