The past couple of years I have been struggling with so many emotions. It seemed like they had taken me hostage. I was living in fear because of all of the things I had experienced in my past. Part of me was really hiding from feeling anymore rejection and pain. I didn't want to love myself or others because love had always disappointed me in the past. I was afraid to feel happy or joy. I was even afraid to be at peace. My ego constantly craved drama because it was familiar to me. It was something that made me feel secure even though it tormented me.
As I began to become awaken to my identity in Christ I realized that my emotions did not define me. They did not have power over me and I could surrender them. I could stand tall and be confident in who God created me to be. It didn't matter that I was abused as a child. It didn't matter that my father had left me. It didn't even matter that my husband committed adultery. I was not defined by those events that took place in my life. I could stand strong and believe in myself because who I am is a child of God. I am God's marvelous glory and He takes pleasure in me. He rejoices over me. He fights for me so that I can rest in His peace. I can take refuge in His presence that is ever present in my life.
Although I struggled many years with thoughts of loneliness I am now set free. I now know that I am never alone because the spirit of God dwells within me. When I feel insecure about myself I remember to whom I belong. My father is a savior. He died so that I may live. I can't walk this earth feeling defeated or sad for the things that I have lost.....for what I have lost in the natural, in the spirit I have gained. It was not a loss but rather a surrender in order for Him to increase within me. My perception has been broken and His glory shines bright. No one could ever tell me that God doesn't exist because in His arms I rest every night.
So now as I awaken every morning to the rising of the SON. I embrace every moment, every emotion that fills my heart. God has been good to me, too good not to live my life with passion. I am learning to live now not just exist...but to fill my lungs with His spirit and walk according to His word. I live for His people for my life is not my own. Ever tribulation, miss step and confused thought has been formed to reveal the truth. My sword has been sharpened through the battle. My story has become His story. It is not about my glory or pain. I now must open my mouth and speak the words of life that fill my belly. Springing forth they shall come and saturate every area of my life. Thank you Lord for now I have learned to live.......LIVE IN AND THROUGH YOU.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Holy Love
"A relationship is not meant to be the joining at the hip of two emotional invalids. The purpose of a relationship is not for two incomplete people to become one, but rather for two complete people to join together for the greater glory of God" excerpt taken from "A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles" by Marianne Willliamson.
A Course in Miracles decribes the difference between an unholy and holy alliance:
For an unholy relationship is based on differences, where each one thinks the other has what he has not. They come together, each to complete himself and rob the other. They stay until they think that there is nothing left to steal, and then move on. And so they wander through a world of strangers, unlike themselves, living with their bodies perhaps under a common roof that shelters neither; in the same room and yet a world apart.
A holy relationship starts from a different premise. Each one has looked within and seen no lack. Accepting his completion, he would extend it by joining with another, whole as himself.
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These passages from "A Return To Love" By Miranne Williamson were so powerful to me. This book is overall a very powerful book. It beautifully describes how we are LOVE. A return to love means we return to who we are. We awaken out of the dream that we are anything other then love. We see fear as a cry for love. We acknowledge that fear is a manifestation of the ego and not the spirit. Everything outside of love is a hallucination.
These passages struck a cord with me because of what I have experienced in my own personal life. I know many of us as women seek relationships with others whether it be romantic or not to complete us. We look at our lack and try to find another person that can fill the gap. This concept leads to a distructive, unhealthy and unstable relationship. A relationship that has only been set up to fail. What we fail to realize at times is that we are already complete within ourselves. No one can add anything new to us that we don't already have within us. They can only reveal our capacity to love. They can only help awaken us and teach us about ourselves.
Our outward perception of ourselves is only recognized by the ego. Fear, anger, insecurites and control are all characteristics of the ego. We manifest these emotions because we fail to realize that we are already complete in LOVE. God's word says that perfect love casts out fear. When we are awaken to who we are in God we let go of fear. We let go of our past and the identities we have attached ourselves to. By letting go of the past we make room for miralcles. We can begin to forgive ourselves and others. Forgiveness is a dicernment between what is real and what is not real according to the book.
So when we seek to be in a relationship we can not go into it looking to be fulfilled. We can not go in it emotionally depleted looking to be filled up. We have to realize that God can only do that for us. We must realize that we are complete an the other person is complete in God. We can't look at their faults we must see the Glory of God in them. We must see the Glory of God within ourselves. You then come together for the greater glory of God. That is what a holy and acceptable relationship is to God.
A Course in Miracles decribes the difference between an unholy and holy alliance:
For an unholy relationship is based on differences, where each one thinks the other has what he has not. They come together, each to complete himself and rob the other. They stay until they think that there is nothing left to steal, and then move on. And so they wander through a world of strangers, unlike themselves, living with their bodies perhaps under a common roof that shelters neither; in the same room and yet a world apart.
A holy relationship starts from a different premise. Each one has looked within and seen no lack. Accepting his completion, he would extend it by joining with another, whole as himself.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These passages from "A Return To Love" By Miranne Williamson were so powerful to me. This book is overall a very powerful book. It beautifully describes how we are LOVE. A return to love means we return to who we are. We awaken out of the dream that we are anything other then love. We see fear as a cry for love. We acknowledge that fear is a manifestation of the ego and not the spirit. Everything outside of love is a hallucination.
These passages struck a cord with me because of what I have experienced in my own personal life. I know many of us as women seek relationships with others whether it be romantic or not to complete us. We look at our lack and try to find another person that can fill the gap. This concept leads to a distructive, unhealthy and unstable relationship. A relationship that has only been set up to fail. What we fail to realize at times is that we are already complete within ourselves. No one can add anything new to us that we don't already have within us. They can only reveal our capacity to love. They can only help awaken us and teach us about ourselves.
Our outward perception of ourselves is only recognized by the ego. Fear, anger, insecurites and control are all characteristics of the ego. We manifest these emotions because we fail to realize that we are already complete in LOVE. God's word says that perfect love casts out fear. When we are awaken to who we are in God we let go of fear. We let go of our past and the identities we have attached ourselves to. By letting go of the past we make room for miralcles. We can begin to forgive ourselves and others. Forgiveness is a dicernment between what is real and what is not real according to the book.
So when we seek to be in a relationship we can not go into it looking to be fulfilled. We can not go in it emotionally depleted looking to be filled up. We have to realize that God can only do that for us. We must realize that we are complete an the other person is complete in God. We can't look at their faults we must see the Glory of God in them. We must see the Glory of God within ourselves. You then come together for the greater glory of God. That is what a holy and acceptable relationship is to God.
Make It Real
I haven't really been posting a lot lately on this blog because God really has been dealing with me a whole lot. Everyday He ministers a word to me and then takes me down the path to manifest it in my life. I remember a couple of years ago when I was really going through a rough time in my life I would asked God to make His word real to me. I didn't just want to read the letter of His word. I wanted to see the spirit of it. I wanted to know how to apply it to my life so that I could be a manifestation of it and be able to teach others. It is one thing to minister to people with the letter but when you have been transformed by that word the message carries an anointing that breaks bondages. I so desired to be that manifestation of God's power. I didn't just want to say "God is good". I wanted to experience His goodness for myself so that I could have that power in my words.
Many of us have gone through things in our lives and don't understand why we have to go through them. We often times even doubt the presence of God in our lives because of all we have experienced. I know I did. In my darkest times I remember being so angry at God for not stepping in and stopping my pain. I remember several times wondering if God was even real. I heard about His miralces but my natural eyes had yet to see one take place in my life. Although now I know that my very life and existance is a miracle of God. At the time I was going through I couldn't see it. I was so blinded by my afflictions that I failed to see God's light constantly shining. What I have come to realize through these past years of my life is that our suffering is only experinced through our flesh. We have become so attached to the natural perception of things that we have become defined by them. The reason we must endure hardships in our lives is because we must be awaken to truth. God uses our hardships and reveals His power and glory through them. In my lack I realized that God is my provider. God is using the foolish things of this world to confound the wise. He is destroying the boundaries of our imagination to show us the unlimitation of His spirit. He is reconciling us all back unto Himself. He is awakening us to our true identity in Him.
Through our afflictions we are learning about our Father. We are learning about ourselves and what we have been designed to do on this earth. He is making His word real to us. He is working His word through us because we are the word of God. The bible says that we are living epistles read of men. We are the living word of God. Our life becomes an inspiration in the lives of others and they are then themselves awaken and reconciled back unto God.
Many of us have gone through things in our lives and don't understand why we have to go through them. We often times even doubt the presence of God in our lives because of all we have experienced. I know I did. In my darkest times I remember being so angry at God for not stepping in and stopping my pain. I remember several times wondering if God was even real. I heard about His miralces but my natural eyes had yet to see one take place in my life. Although now I know that my very life and existance is a miracle of God. At the time I was going through I couldn't see it. I was so blinded by my afflictions that I failed to see God's light constantly shining. What I have come to realize through these past years of my life is that our suffering is only experinced through our flesh. We have become so attached to the natural perception of things that we have become defined by them. The reason we must endure hardships in our lives is because we must be awaken to truth. God uses our hardships and reveals His power and glory through them. In my lack I realized that God is my provider. God is using the foolish things of this world to confound the wise. He is destroying the boundaries of our imagination to show us the unlimitation of His spirit. He is reconciling us all back unto Himself. He is awakening us to our true identity in Him.
Through our afflictions we are learning about our Father. We are learning about ourselves and what we have been designed to do on this earth. He is making His word real to us. He is working His word through us because we are the word of God. The bible says that we are living epistles read of men. We are the living word of God. Our life becomes an inspiration in the lives of others and they are then themselves awaken and reconciled back unto God.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Pressing Forward No Matter What
These last couple of weeks I have been dealing with some very personal and serious things in my family. I have felt down and sometimes scared. It is difficult sometimes when you see people dying in your family or going through severe medical circumstances. You start to question your own mortality and often times feel vulnerable. Although your life my not seem certain at times, you have to know God's plan is certain. No matter what may be happening in or around you, you must press forward and never look back. Your eyes must stay on the prize and you must live surrendered unto God. Only God knows His plans for you and you can not let life's uncertainties paralyze you. I know how difficult it is to not let your circumstances mold your mind. You have to be on your toes ready to fight. Ready to cast down imaginations. When that thought creeps in you have to lean not unto your own understanding. You can't give yourself time to attach yourself to the emotions. I know that it is important to give yourself time to grieve. I know that in our brokeness God's strength is perfected but you can't fold to the natural. You have to stay attached to God's word. You have to keep moving in the direction of your promise and trust that no matter what happens God has everything under control. You have to press forward no matter what.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Celebrate!!!!
Why wait for a special event to occur in order to celebrate? Everyday is a gift from God and reason enough for a celebration. My very breath and will to want to press on is enough reason to give God glory. Today I celebrate every accomplishment I have achieved whether it be small or big. Each step I take in this journey of life is a step closer to my destiny. It is not just about the destination but the significance of every step we take. We have a choice to look forward or dwell on our past. I choose to look forward and pursue my hearts desire. God's strength is my motivation and His love is the reason I live. I celebrate my life today because God has been just to good to sit back and wait. GLORY TO GOD!!!! Let the celebration begin!!!!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The Temple Of God
After 10+ years of dealing with weight issues and poor body image I have come to the realization that my struggle has been much deeper then the surface. It is difficult sometimes to get a hold on yourself when every other image you see is of a thin or inshape person. There is such a emphasis on beauty and happiness that we often strive to achieve weight loss for superficial reasons. We think that if we are not thin and beautiful then we can never achieve love, our dreams or even happiness. We live unhappy within this shell that we dispise so much we can't even bare to look at ourselves in clothes let alone naked. Come on let's keep it real. I know I have avoided many mirrors in my days. I have also told myself how ugly and disgusted I am with myself. I have literally cried and screamed with disappointment as I stood on the scale feeling so defeated. One day I wake up and feel on top of the world and the next I can't fit in my jeans and want to stay home in sweats all day. I literally became a hermet and depressed because I was so focused on my body image and had such a distorted perception about myself that I didn't want anyone else to look at me. Even though people would tell me I was pretty my mind couldn't grasp that concept. I couldn't embrace the compliment because I myself couldn't accept myself and the way I looked.
I do know that my childhood and past experiences had alot to do with the way I felt about myself but I wanted to move passed that. How could I finally get over this hump and conquer once and for all this battle of my weight and poor body image? How could I erase years of verbal and physical abuse that made me feel ugly and worthless? How could I stop trying to eat myself happy? I had tried so many weight loss pills and weight loss programs that did nothing but make me sick. I had already achieved a 50 pound weight loss but still needed to reach my personal goal. I also needed to learn how to accept myself and be happy with myself no matter what I thought I looked like. It was not just about losing weight it was also about changing my perception about myself. I wasn't that ugly little fat girl I grew up thinking I was. I needed to awaken to who I really was created to be in God. I needed to see myself as God saw me.
After years of "okay I will start monday" and excuse after excuse of why I couldn't be consistant, I finally got it. I finally received the words from God that set me free. I had to realize that it was okay for me to want to look beautiful and strong and feel healthy. I was not vain or selfish for wanting to look and feel a certain way. Maybe the years of verbal abuse had beat me down but I was ready to stand up and be noticed. I was ready to be all that God created me to be. I was ready to walk with God in the fullness. I AM beautiful because God created me....I AM fearfully and wonderfully made. I couldn't keep hiding within this shell of emotions. I had to take control of my emotions and start to respect my body for what it was. God created me....my body...every inch of my being to be a reflection of Him. My obedience and self control are a manifestation of His power. God said "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?" according to 1 Corinthians 3:16. My God!... how could I continue to abuse my body and not accept myself? How could I say I love God but not love myself enough to take care of myself? How could I do this when God Himself created me to be a vessel of glory. A vessel that contains His spirit. It is my job to be diligent about keeping my body sacred inside and out.
We must present ourselves a living sacrifice unto God according to Romans 12:1. It is our reasonable worship to lay down our emotions and put down that fork. We must become edcuated on proper nutrition and exercise so that we can maintain this TEMPLE. We must prove ourselves to be holy and acceptable. We must prove ourselves to be sacred and wellpleasing unto God. This is our reasonabe service unto God. It is not just about taking care of our spiritual being but we must do the same with our natural bodies. How can we glorify God if we are tired and stricken with disease. I know that He can show His glory in a body stricken with cancer but what I am trying to make clear is that it is my service or worship unto God to take care of this temple He has created to contain His spirit. I can not be negligent and allow my flesh and my emotions to destroy what God has marvelously designed.
I must prepare this body for God. I must be diligent in the upkeep of His temple. I must purify it and consecrate it so that it is wellpleasing unto Him. God goes on to say in 1 Corinthians 3:17 "If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy: for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are". We must be careful to not waste, corrupt or spoil God's temple. Many diseases and afflictions of the body are attributed to our own doings. "Be not deceived; God is not mocked for whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap" (Galatians 6:7). If I am defiling my body and eating unhealthy food, not exercising and getting proper sleep I will reap the consequences of that in my body. Just like we use prayer, worship and meditation to upkeep our spiritual beings. We must also cleanse and purify our natural temples that they may be sacred and wellpleasing unto God so that He can fulfill His purpose through you. All that I have been called and created to achieve for God is wrapped up in this package (His temple...my body) it is my job to keep it strong and healthy for Him. Amen.
My Prayer: Lord teach me how to take care of this body that you have created. I desire to be used for your glory. Show me how to be diligent in the upkeep of your temple so that I can be a manifestation of your power. I thank your for this body that you have created in your image and likeness for you said that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Cleanse my heart and my mind so that I can see myself through your eyes. I am your creation and all that you create is marvelous. I glorify you, In Jesus Name. Amen.
I do know that my childhood and past experiences had alot to do with the way I felt about myself but I wanted to move passed that. How could I finally get over this hump and conquer once and for all this battle of my weight and poor body image? How could I erase years of verbal and physical abuse that made me feel ugly and worthless? How could I stop trying to eat myself happy? I had tried so many weight loss pills and weight loss programs that did nothing but make me sick. I had already achieved a 50 pound weight loss but still needed to reach my personal goal. I also needed to learn how to accept myself and be happy with myself no matter what I thought I looked like. It was not just about losing weight it was also about changing my perception about myself. I wasn't that ugly little fat girl I grew up thinking I was. I needed to awaken to who I really was created to be in God. I needed to see myself as God saw me.
After years of "okay I will start monday" and excuse after excuse of why I couldn't be consistant, I finally got it. I finally received the words from God that set me free. I had to realize that it was okay for me to want to look beautiful and strong and feel healthy. I was not vain or selfish for wanting to look and feel a certain way. Maybe the years of verbal abuse had beat me down but I was ready to stand up and be noticed. I was ready to be all that God created me to be. I was ready to walk with God in the fullness. I AM beautiful because God created me....I AM fearfully and wonderfully made. I couldn't keep hiding within this shell of emotions. I had to take control of my emotions and start to respect my body for what it was. God created me....my body...every inch of my being to be a reflection of Him. My obedience and self control are a manifestation of His power. God said "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?" according to 1 Corinthians 3:16. My God!... how could I continue to abuse my body and not accept myself? How could I say I love God but not love myself enough to take care of myself? How could I do this when God Himself created me to be a vessel of glory. A vessel that contains His spirit. It is my job to be diligent about keeping my body sacred inside and out.
We must present ourselves a living sacrifice unto God according to Romans 12:1. It is our reasonable worship to lay down our emotions and put down that fork. We must become edcuated on proper nutrition and exercise so that we can maintain this TEMPLE. We must prove ourselves to be holy and acceptable. We must prove ourselves to be sacred and wellpleasing unto God. This is our reasonabe service unto God. It is not just about taking care of our spiritual being but we must do the same with our natural bodies. How can we glorify God if we are tired and stricken with disease. I know that He can show His glory in a body stricken with cancer but what I am trying to make clear is that it is my service or worship unto God to take care of this temple He has created to contain His spirit. I can not be negligent and allow my flesh and my emotions to destroy what God has marvelously designed.
I must prepare this body for God. I must be diligent in the upkeep of His temple. I must purify it and consecrate it so that it is wellpleasing unto Him. God goes on to say in 1 Corinthians 3:17 "If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy: for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are". We must be careful to not waste, corrupt or spoil God's temple. Many diseases and afflictions of the body are attributed to our own doings. "Be not deceived; God is not mocked for whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap" (Galatians 6:7). If I am defiling my body and eating unhealthy food, not exercising and getting proper sleep I will reap the consequences of that in my body. Just like we use prayer, worship and meditation to upkeep our spiritual beings. We must also cleanse and purify our natural temples that they may be sacred and wellpleasing unto God so that He can fulfill His purpose through you. All that I have been called and created to achieve for God is wrapped up in this package (His temple...my body) it is my job to keep it strong and healthy for Him. Amen.
My Prayer: Lord teach me how to take care of this body that you have created. I desire to be used for your glory. Show me how to be diligent in the upkeep of your temple so that I can be a manifestation of your power. I thank your for this body that you have created in your image and likeness for you said that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Cleanse my heart and my mind so that I can see myself through your eyes. I am your creation and all that you create is marvelous. I glorify you, In Jesus Name. Amen.
Friday, October 2, 2009
God's Love
I am so overwhelmed today when I think about God's love. It is amazing to me how someone can love you so unconditionally. How He could sacrifice His own son to bring us life. When I look back at where I came from I can't help but cry. I just can't believe how much God's love has transformed my life. Natural things and circumstances may have remained the same or may have even gotten worse but nothing can discribe the transformation that has taken place from within my heart. It is amazing how we can curse God and yell at Him for the way our life is going but He continues to love us without question. We can make mistakes and even doubt His existance and still His love remains the same.
Words can not even articulate how amazing God is. His love transforms and heals the places within us that we don't even know exist.
Words can not even articulate how amazing God is. His love transforms and heals the places within us that we don't even know exist.
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