My Heart Belongs To Him

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her".

I have been "single" for about 10 years now. Legally I am married but I live my life as a single mom. I have struggled with the thought of getting divorced because I feel like I have to please God. Is it what He wants me to do?

I have prayed and seeked Him for many years concerning this manner. Everyone on the outside would say "yes". I would honestly say that I want one too. I have stayed in my marriage for 13 years (June 6th it will be 14 years) although my husband has been unfaithful numerous times. We have not lived together in almost 11 years.

So although we have been separated for all this time I never dated any other men until about 2 years ago. I meet a guy that I thought was the answer to many of my prayers. Turned out he wasn't and we didn't last too long.

Fast forward to the present time and I am still a married "single" woman. I don't look for men or to be in relationships because I feel that God is not done with me yet.

I also feel that God has someone for me that He is working on. I am not sure who it is but I do know that he will be an amazing man that will love, respect and honor the woman that I am.

I realize that this time of separation from my husband has not been about the marriage between him and I at all. It has been about the marriage between Christ and I.

I am learning about His faithfulness and allowing His love to heal my heart. It has been an amazing journey even though there were days that I didn't know if I wanted to get up again.

I know all too well about the dark days of depression but it was all worth it. I know I am a stronger more conscious woman and I will be able to give myself to who ever God blesses me with.

I am being patient though because I know that this special man must be prepared for me by God. So I wait and wait knowing that my labour and my pain has not been in vain.

"Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Psalms 27:14

I wait on the Lord while I hide my heart in Him knowing that in Him my heart is safe. Just as a father gives a way his daughter in marriage I know in time my Heavenly Father will give my heart to another when He sees fit.

................Until then I will continue my journey and keep my eyes on God.

Nurturing Yourself

This picture reminds me that what we put out there is what see reflecting back at us. So be kind to yourself and you will love what you see...inside and out.

"Pay attention to your relationship with yourself. – One of the most painful things in life is losing yourself in the process of loving others too much, and forgetting that you are special too. When was the last time someone told you that they loved you just the way you are, and that what you think and how you feel matters? When was the last time someone told you that you did a good job, or took you someplace, simply because they know you feel happy when you’re there? When was the last time that ‘someone’ was YOU?" By Nicole Wilkins

As women we tend to give so much of ourselves to care and nurture others. We sacrifice our dreams, emotions and hearts to ensure others needs are being met.

We often forget that we too need to be nurtured and taken care of. We need to feel valued and loved.

In the midst of caring for others we sometimes lose ourselves. We forget who we want to be and we lose our sense of worth.

We spend countless hours planning out our days making sure everything is running smoothly. We worry about bills, laundry, relationships, kids, husbands, dinner and upcoming events.

Why don't we do that for ourselves? Why don't we love ourselves, nurture ourselves and plan out our futures?

The common excuse I hear so many women make is "I just don't have time". We are so tied up filling gaps, playing roles and taking care of others that we neglect ourselves.

What happens when one day you wake up and realize that you are not who you want to be? Or that you don't even know who you are anymore beneath the layers of unhealthy weight, emotions, endless chores and responsibilities.

It can be hard to get back to the place of loving yourself, feeling worthy and deserving. We become so accustomed to making everyone else feel good that we forgot how to feel good.

Just the thought of smiling for our own pleasure, or doing something that makes us feel happy and free brings an uneasiness. We often feel guilty or selfish for allowing ourselves to feel that way.

Nothing is wrong for wanting to love and appreciate yourself by engaging in things that feed your soul. Of course many of us love taking care of others and feel a sense of peace knowing everything is in order but what if it's not. What if one thing is just left out of place and you take 30 minutes to fill your own cup?

We don't always have to have it all together. Life is not "perfect". Even in the imperfections there is joy and completeness. Even in the tears laughter can be found.

I speak this from my heart because I am a self confessed "perfectionist". Always trying to make everything "right" and in order. Nothing can be out of place without me blowing a gasket.

I have had to learn how to pull back and allow things to just be. Things are temporary but relationships, happiness and peace are forever.

Taking time to be still in my own silence and allowing the emptiness to fill my soul is what brings me joy. It is what fills my cup. Not allowing myself to be caught up in what others think is perfect but rather letting the spirit of God position me according to His perfect will.

This journey has been about repairing that relationship with myself. Allowing myself to be freed from the emotions, pain and disappointments that have paved my travels along this long road.

I am learning to accept that I am perfect. Not in this human form but perfect in God's spirit. How I perceive myself to be...."I AM". So rather than focus on what is external I must stay in tune with what is internal and nurture the change coming forth from soul.

Life Savior

I had a conversation with my daughter about God yesterday. I was explaining to her that we should seek God for answers and guidance when we have questions about life issues.

I said He is the one who is ultimately in charge of your life and we should consult Him about everything we do or want to do.

I gave her this analogy:

God is like a safety ring. We may want to go out and swim the open water by ourselves. We may even take off the ring and feel awesome and free swimming without the ring but what happens when the storm hits us? We struggle to stay above water and we may even struggle to swim back to the ring. Although the safety ring will always be there we end up going through things we don't have to go through if we just would have kept the ring on the whole time.

So I said it is important that we keep that connection with God and seek Him first in all things...in all areas of our lives.

He is our sweet savior. :) <3

No matter what area you may be struggling with in your life always remember that God is close by. It may feel like you are alone at times. You may even feel like you are drowning in your sorrows but God is more than able to rescue you.

All we need to do is call on Him. In the midst of our pain....He is our joy. When we feel like all hope is lost...He is our redeemer. He shed His blood that we may have life. He gave His life so that we can live in the freedom. He loves and accepts us just the way we are. :)

Consecrated

Consecrated: to make or declare sacred; set apart or dedicate to the service of a deity
Sacred: dedicated or set apart for the service or worship of a deity.....devoted exclusively to one service or use.


I was inspired to write about something that is very personal but I feel the need to share it. My journey to overcome began when I was faced with infidelity in my marriage.

I would honestly have to say that my journey may have begun even earlier in my life when I was faced with rejection and an unstable home. I was a victim of child hood abuse and witnessed many things that a child should not be exposed to.

Being exposed to these things left me feeling vulnerable and unloved. I felt neglected because there wasn't a stable loving hand to guide me in a safe direction.

Fast forward to my marriage and I can now see why I was presented with this opportunity to change. It may seem crazy to justify my husbands infidelity but I know that I had to endure it.

It was a door into my future of unconditional love and acceptance. It was my opportunity to heal and become the woman of God that I am today.

Without being faced with the adversity that I had to endure I would have never evolved into the spiritual being that God created me to be.

I was designed...created and consecrated for a specific thing. God set me apart to fulfill a purpose. He designed me for His glory.

Lately I have found myself in relationships that left me feeling unfulfilled. I now realize that I only desired them to feel a sense of value. I wanted them to fill the brokenness and loneliness that my broken marriage left behind.

I compromised who I was...what I believed in and valued the most to get a peace of temporary pleasure.

It is all coming together. My mind is clear. God screams to me "CONSECRATED".

I have called myself "God's Temple" only to forget the sacredness of that title.

This body....my mind...my soul are His. I have been created for Him. So who am I to give myself to anything other than His plan and purpose.

It is not about my temporary pleasure. It is about His eternal calling. I have been set apart...chosen....annointed for such a time as this. I have been created to carry out a vision that will heal and restore.

My mission is to empower and bring forth truth that can not only heal but revive the very things that people thought were once dead.

I have been on a raw food cleanse over the last 2 weeks because it was clear to me that God called me to do one. Little did I know that He wanted to birth a message through it.

Cleansing my body through partaking of living food. Partaking of those things that only bring forth life and purify the soul.

Glory to God for the consecration of my soul...

I am all in God. I am here for your glory. Use me!

Courage

"Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!"
Psalms 27:14

Courage: the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty, or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action.

When faced with uncertainties in life we must hold true to God's promises. Though the skies may look cloudy we must trust and believe that God's glory will shine through.

It is not our ability to overcome a situation that makes us strong. It is our dependency on God that brings us through our adversities.

His word strengthens our heart as we allow it to fill us with the peace and joy of knowing that all things are working in our favour. It is not about how much or how long we must endure but rather how we rest in God.....how we allow His word to work and manifest itself in this life that He has given us.

This life does not belong to us. When you live for God you relinquish your ability to decide for yourself. You surrender your will and give yourself to fullfill the will of the Father.

Life is not a random chain of events. Life is a reflection of the heart. It is an evolution of the human spirit and reveals the condition of your soul.

God's word says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. He also said to guard your heart because out of it flow the issues of life.

As we walk by faith and believe in the Lord we strengthen our hearts. His word becomes etched in our hearts. It begins to show forth it's power when we rest in Him.....when we surrender all that we think "it should be" and allow it to manifest according to His will.

Allowing ourselves to become completely surrendered to God is a challenge at times. It makes us feel vulnerable and out of control. It makes us feel naked and unsupported. That is the test of true faith.

Until we can open our hearts and allow His word to saturate every part of our being we will never see His promises come to pass. In Him we live, breathe and have our being. So if what you are going through does not breathe life into your lungs then it is time to let it go.

It is time to let go of the doubt...the fear and the pain. It is time to let go of the resentment, jealousy and anger. It is time to be set free and begin to live the life you were created to live.

Devine health, love and prosperity. It is all waiting for you.

Relationships and diets......

I read somewhere that we should desire the same relationship with food that we have with people. That really hit me hard. That explains so much about the last 10 yrs of my weight issues. I had such a negative relationship with food because my personal relationships were also issues in my life.

From an abusive childhood to a cheating husband. My life with filled with broken relationships. I remember at one time feeling like I was invisible....like no one loved me. That was a feeling that I struggled with for many years.

Then I discovered that I was worth loving. I began to unravel my emotions and took control of my life. I got off the roller coaster and decided that no matter what happened I was going to evolve. I was going to become the woman I knew I could be.

It didn't matter that I was disappointed about my failed relationships. I could either crumble beneath the weight of my emotions or I could pull myself out of the rubble. I decided to rise. I decided to grow and travel the path of my destiny.

I was not going to let my past determine my future. I was not going to continue to live in the shadows of my pain. I had to get up, wipe my eyes and move forward. Although the journey has been extremely difficult I am grateful for the lessons I have learned.

I can now look back and see the purpose in all the pain. It was part of me growing. I was being strengthened through my pain. With every inch I struggle to get out from under the rubble..I became stronger.

I was getting ready for work this morning and had a revelation or what others may call an "ah ha" moment. For years I have been on a treadmill....running but staying in the same place. Recycling through my emotions. Although the load got lighter as I let go of certain things in my life I was still in the same form.

Now I have decided to use what I have gone through...the weight of my pain and emotions....and I have used them to gain strength and build a new life......BUILD A NEW ME....tranforming this vessel and for once being proud of who I am.

I can now pick up and put down the weight and let it transform me. I have the strength to get through. My mind has changed, my spirit and faith have gotten stronger and I know who I am. When you know how you are at the depth of your soul....nothing can hold you back.

A trainer at the gym commented the other day and said "you must be on a mission because you are here everyday". I sure am on a mission. Not just to lose weight but to release the emotions that caused me to gain the weight. I am releasing the pain, rejection and disappointments.

I am on a mission to completely tranform my life and create a discipline and strength within that nothing can destroy. I know I am worth every rep, every set, every drop of sweat, every sore muscle, every mile, every ounce of healthy food, and every pound I lose.

I know my struggle and pain has not been in vain. I have gained so much along this journey and I hope that it may encourage someone to live today. I pray that it may turn on a switch in someones mind to chose themselves first and go for their dreams.

Inside each in every single one of us is a desire to be our authentic self. To live fully as ourselves and embrace life. Instead of hiding behind layers of guilt, shame and pain we must take a stand and for once take control of our lives.

We are worth it and we must begin to mend the brokeness that brought us here. We must create a successful relationship with ourselves, our bodies and the food we eat. Let the process begin......

Check out my fitness blog to follow my journey www.templeofgodfitness.blogspot.com

Release and be at ease

It is essential that we rest in Him and lean on His wisdom when we are troubled. Our minds often try to wrap themselves around things that only God can unfold. It is our job to trust that no matter what is going on around us He is always in control....He desires the best for us. His joy is our strength. We must rejoice each day because He has designed each day with us in mind.....our needs...our wants...our desires. We are refreshed and transformed when we let go and let Him transform our minds....releasing our fears and walking in faith. We are perfected in His love.....His love is perfect and lacks nothing. :) <3