Resting In God

Due to some of the things I have experienced in my life, I had a hard time trusting anyone or anything. I was always very skeptical and over analyzed everything. I used to have major anxiety and control issues. I was very insecure and extremely depressed. I was so afraid of the world that I would spend most of my time hiding out in my house. I was afraid to show myself because I didn't want to be hurt or give anyone a chance to reject me.

It is crazy how much things have changed in my life. I find myself being very relaxed and passive about many things now a days. I even asked God if this is normal because I am at peace with things that used to cause me such stress. I didn't know if I was being lazy or non chalant about things or what was going on.

I realized that what has happened is I have learned to trust in God. I am resting in Him and trusting that every part of my life is in His hands. I don't have to worry about things because whatever is in my life right now is supposed to be in it. I seek peace above all things so if something or someone is not in my life at this time it is because it would not bring me peace.

I am making space for God to minister to my heart during this season of my life. I am resting and trusting because I know that what I am enduring right now is preparing me for the greater calling of God. Whatever I have been designed to achieve is depending on this moment of my life. I have to learn to be still and wait upon God. I am confident that everything has it's purpose and time.

There are times that I feel like I am a loser and not doing anything significant with my life. I wonder should I go back to school, should I do this, should I be doing that...but God constantly reminds me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I don't have to plan things out for myself. I have to just rest in Him. By developing this deep and strong relationship with Him I will know when to move and when to speak. I will know when it is time to embark on a new journey and when it is time to be still.

This is such a big deal for me because I know how I used to be. I always worried about everything. I used to cry myself to sleep thinking about my heartache and how my life was going to play out. I tried to control and manipulate things to go how I wanted them to go so I could feel better about myself. I tried to make people love me and accept me just to feel like I had value.

Now I don't care. If you don't want to be around me then you aren't supposed to. I am not rude or arrogant I just let life flow. I have learned to believe in God's sovereign plan for my life. It is not about me it is about God, His kingdom and His people. Wherever He sees fit to position me I have to move accordingly.

What a liberating feeling to know that God loves you and desires the best for you. Your life is all figured out and all you have to do is relax and enjoy the ride. ALL GLORY BE TO GOD!!!