Numbing The Pain

Recently I have been dealing with a toothache. I was supposed to get all my wisdom teeth extracted several years ago but only had one done. I was too afraid of dealing with the pain. Then about a year ago my dentist recommended that I get my last two wisdom teeth extracted and once again I avoided the surgery because I was afraid of the pain. My wisdom teeth occasionally bothered me but the pain was pretty manageable and I was able to numb it and deal with it. Until now....

The pain that I have been dealing with lately has reached it's limit. I currently have an infection, my throat hurts, my head hurts and my face is swollen. I can no longer keep these teeth in my mouth. I have to confront my fear of pain and get them extracted once and for all.

This ordeal had me think about our pain in life. We have all been through painful things in our lives. Whether we endured the pain from our own decisions or from the actions of others, we have all felt it. The dangerous part is not the pain. The dangerous part is trying to numb the pain and not deal with it.

Many of us try to cover up the pain of our past with bandaids. Such as alcohol, food, work, relationships, drugs, cigarettes, or some other unhealthy habit. We don't want to confront the pain so we cover up our emotions. Eventually that pain surfaces again. Something occurs in our life and exposes our wounds.

We get to a place were we have no choice but to deal with the issues that we have been trying to numb. Our life becomes "infected" and the pain or unresolved issues become too painful to bare.

This happen to me about 2 years ago. I had lost my job, I was living with a family member, I was overweight, and insecure about everything in my life. I began to seek God and ask Him to show me who I was. He really began to show me what I wasn't. I wasn't my past. I wasn't the insecure person that I thought I was. The reason I was in so much pain was because I associated everything I had been through with who I was. I was too focused on the pain.

One day I was so frustrated I began to cry out loud. I said "God tell me what to do...speak to me....I want to hear your voice". He said "shut up". Now some may think I am crazy but this is exactly what He spoke to my spirit. You see many of us are so focused on our pain and discomfort that we fail to listen. Our cries become louder then His voice.

Life doesn't have to be dramatic. We don't always have to endure pain. We don't have to live in constant caos and struggle. We chose to live this way. We chose to focus on the pain and wallow in our sorrows. We are so accustomed to dealing with the drama that we have identified ourselves with it and so we reap more of it.

God had me silent for a season. He taught me to meditate and hear His voice. I found peace by being still and listening to my own breath. I found beauty in the nothingness. I reached a place of sacredness and aweness because I discovered who I really was in God.

I no longer had to numb the pain because I no longer associated myself with it. I no longer craved it. It's crazy how we don't want to be involved in caos but yet we unconsciously seek it. Why? Because we don't know how to live without it. We don't know who we are without it. There is an uncertainty when we are in an unfamiliar territory. Our flesh is no longer supported and we become fearful of the unknown.

This is what it is to live by faith. We are not supposed to know anything according to our flesh. We are to walk with our eyes closed and trust in the Lord. We are supposed to live limitless without attaching ourselves to egoic thoughts.

Our spirit knows to trust in God but our human "egoic" mind tries to protect itself. It tells you to hide, retract, avoid a certain situation because you will experience more pain. You must slowly begin to extract those thoughts from your mind by not attaching yourself to them.

Meditation and prayer played a big part in my healing. I allowed my mind to be free in God. Even though my flesh did not understand everything I allowed whatever God desired to be present in my life. I opened my heart and surrendered to the NOW. I learned to live true to myself. I learned to live by faith.

Stop numbing the pain and begin to live the way God intended for you to live.