Perfect Love

And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwellth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgement: because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:16-18

I found myself living in fear. Wondering what if this happens and what if that doesn't happen. What if....what if.....what if? My life was so driven by fear. I lived in torment each day. Somedays I had a smile on my face and other days I couldn't stop crying. Often times I lived with anger and just wanted to scream or hurt someone.

These emotions were so really to me that I often times wondered why was I even alive anymore. As if my only way of peace would be death. Tears fill my eyes now just thinkng of the nights I laid awake with anxiety, fear and despair. My own mind was my worst enemy. I felt like a failure at times for not being where I thought I needed to be in life. I beat myself up for all the times I lost it. I lost my joy and my peace. I lost my mind. How could I lose it? How could I be so unstable when I knew in my mind that God loved me? How could I hate myself so much when I was taught that God was within me? I was tired of losing it. I was tired of riding the rollercoaster of emotions that tormented me day and night. How could I escape the bondages of my soul? How could I live with peace and joy in my heart when I felt so depleted, broken and alone?

I realized that all of my fear and torment came from the relationships I had in my past. I was wounded by people that I believed loved me so much. Fear often forms when we are wounded, disappointed, rejected and neglected. Love is the opposite of fear. It is nuturing. It embraces us and gives us a sense of security. Love sets us free. When we don't feel that security we feel vulnerable. Instead of putting ourselves out there and walking in freedom we shelter ourselves and place ourselves in bondage. We hide ourselves and never give ourselves the chance to experience true love. We never give ourselves the chance to walk in our true identity. Love is not just about a relationship with a loved one or a friend. Love is not just an emotion we feel. Love is really who we are.


The word of God says that God is love. It says that God dwells within us. So if God is love and dwells within us then we are love too. Love is our true identity. When we are awaken to the revelation that we are love then all fears and insecurities are cast out. We no longer walk in the bondages of our past because we realize that our past is not who we are. We don't have to live in the constant torment of disappointments. We don't have to protect ourselves from the world. One bad decision or failure does not mean you will always have them. When you learn that God loves you and will never forsake you then it doesn't matter who is or isn't in your life. I doesn't matter who abused you or let you down. Your past does not define you. You are love. You are unlimited in love. You can walk with boldness and take possesion of what God has promised you.


Remember the song: "Looking for love in all the wrong places"? That is what we do. We think that we are made complete in a relationship. We seek love from others. Whether it be from a man, a friend or a family member. We often times think that our healing comes from others. The word of God actually says that "He that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect." The word perfect means complete, of full age. The only way to be complete is to go back to where you came from. We are from God so "herein" is where you are completed....healed and made whole through love. Being perfect in God's love does not mean you will not experience pain or grief. It only means that it will not label you...it will not define you...it will not hinder you or keep you from fulfilling God's will.

I know how scary it is to confront your past. I know how difficult it is to confront those people that have broken your heart. I do believe without a shadow of a doubt that it is very important in the healing processes. Many times we sweep emotions under the rug and hope they just go away. What we fail to realize is that by releasing those feelings you break the chains that have keep you living in fear. Our relationships or experiences often define our relationship with God. We can't get past the lack of trust we have with our loved one so then we don't trust God. We can never be perfected in love if we don't let go of the past. We can never walk forth in our true identity in the kingdom of God if we keep looking back.

We must look within. We must unwrap the bandages of our wounds so they can heal. We must open our hearts again and embrace love. We must embrace life. We must embrace ourselves and give ourselves the opportunity to feel love....to love ourselves....and yes, even to love those that have hurt us.

One in Love

Why do we feel the need to defend our beliefs? Don't we all have the right to our own opinions?

We have all been made unique by God. We all endure different hardships and victories to fulfill a specific purpose. Not everyone has been called to perform the same job in the Kingdom but we have all been called to magnify God.....bring glory to His name....and walk in Truth. Each persons truth is specific to their journey. Although we may not agree with one another we must embrace and recieve one another with the same love God has accepted us in. It is not about who is right or wrong. It is about the purpose. We all have a purpose and we all endure circumstances to reveal a truth on this earth that couldn't be revealed otherwise. We each play a part in the awakening of human consciousness. Through the pain we are moved into healing. Through the darkness we are awakened to the light. What I learn from my journey may be different from you but I can still love you. I can still allow you to be who God has called you to be.


Many times we judge or debate our beliefs in order to defend our human, egoic identity. We attach ourselves to thoughts and perceptions that often times create more death then life. We feel that what we believe is the only truth and everyone else is wrong. We form a shell of protection around ourselves in order to find our sense of self. "If I am wrong then what is truth?" "If I am not who I think I am then who am I?" It is very scary to lose our own percieved identity that we have created in the realm of form. It is hard for our carnal mind to wrap itself around the unlimited realm of the spirit. The world catagorizes us by our religions, beliefs, nationality, economic status, education, etc. In the spirit we are all one. We are all righteous under the mighty name of God. We are cleansed by His blood and their is no shame or condemnation. Their is no judgement in the spirit. God says lean not unto your own understanding but acknowledge Me in all your ways. We must not lean or trust in our own beliefs as the ultimate and only truth. We must acknowlegde....recognize....awaken to the fact that God is in ALL things.



God does place certain people in our lives to reveal our weaknesses and where we still need to be set free but He also reveals where we have power, grace and love. We are all one in the spirit. We all become sacrifices one for another. We are all a part of a greater picture. We all play a part in a greater calling or mission. If we can stop fighting and trying to defend our beliefs then we can all walk as one in unity and bring peace and healing to the world. Resistance only makes the issues greater. Surrender brings change.

Poem

In my brokeness God came to redeem me. He took me from the hands of the enemy. He released the shackles from my mind.....the scales from my eyes. He awoke me out of the dream that said I was insignificant and of no use. His loving arms embraced my damaged heart. His love...His love was a refuge for my soul. When darkness rushed in His truth illuminated the way. Nothing could stand between us. He redeemed me. Enveloped me. Surrounded me with His love. All fear was cast out. My spirit set free. No longer was I bound by the thoughts of loneliness, pain and sorrow. Joy unspeakable was now my home.

My Heart

How many of us carry around baggage from our past? Whether it be from our childhood or a failed marriage. Maybe a business we had to close or a home we lost. We build up walls and dig trenches around our hearts so that no one or nothing can hurt us again. Some of us build hard exteriors and act like we don't care what anyone thinks about us. Some put on a happy face so that no one can see their pain and sorrow. We walk around with masks pretending like we are okay. BUT.....No one knows the private intimate thoughts we have going on in our heads. No one can see the cracks and bruises on our hearts. We say we are okay and we have moved on with our lives but like a flood the emotions come rushing in again.

For many years I have struggled with the broken relationships I have had with my parents and my husband. Although my mom and I are close now there was a time when that wasn't so. I had to open up my heart and let her know the pain and anger I had towards her. Today I had to do the same with my father. I don't hate either one of them. I forgive them for what they did or didn't do. I love them with all my heart but I needed to still heal. You can still love with a broken heart.

For many years I blamed them for the way my life played out. I had resentment and anger towards them. I later realized that all I had gone through was ordained by God. I couldn't continue to go around acting like a victim. Yes, I endured pain and disappointments but they drove me closer to God. God says that His strength is made perfect in weakness. So when I felt most vulnerable and alone God was perfecting His love in me. When I felt angry God was perfecting His peace. When I felt sad He was perfecting His joy. What the enemy meant for bad God turned it around for my good. What is good for me may not always feel good. There are times when we don't want to face the pain. There are times when we would rather eat or drink our emotions away. God has a way of stripping us until we are naked, vulernable and willing to surrender.

You see through all of the pain I endured in my life I have come to know God more intimately. I have learned about myself. God and I are one so how can I do one without the other. God's thoughts for us are not evil. He wishes to prosper us and heal us. He desires to use us for His glory. He designed us to endure hardships and come out on the other side victorious.

The key to healing our hearts is to fully surrender them to God. We must completely trust that He wants what is best for us. We must realize that our pain can hold us back if we don't let it go. Like a cancer it can eat up our dreams, our marriages, our careers, our family and our children. How? By not allowing us to fully live and give all of ourselves. We don't believe in ourselves because of our trust issues. We are unhappy so we make everyone around us unhappy. We are depressed so we call in to work all the time so we can stay home and cry. We are angry so we yell at our kids or family members, especially those that hurt us. I know becaue I did all of this.

I can't blame anyone for where I am in my life. They were just vessels God used to get me to my point of surrender. So that I can awaken out of this dream and move into my life's purpose. I had to learn that I was not the abandoned, rejected and unloved little girl I grew up thinking I was. I am not my circumstance.....I am not my story.......I am not a victim. God says I am an overcomer. I can have a successful marriage and relationship with my parents. I can start a business and live a prosperous life. I can help awaken others to truth and heal nations. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

I can take all the strength God has instilled in me and overcome every adversity. I know who I am and know that what I went through does not determine my destiny. God is in control of my life and that is okay with me.

Fearfully and Wonderfully

I will praise thee: for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

Psalms 139: 14

You have been made and fashioned to be profoundly awed, respected and loved. You are different, unique, and set apart. God designed you for His glory. You are made in His image and after His likeness according to Genesis 1:26. You are a respresentative of God and resemble Him in character. His spirit is one with yours. You are perfect and complete in Him.

So many women deal with issues of low self esteem due to poor body image. We are bombarded with images of what the media portrays as perfect and beautiful. Our little girls are growing up thinking they have to look like a Barbie or Bratz doll to be beautiful. A size 12 is now considered full figured by some women. Diet pills and diets are all the rage. Eating disorders plague our college campuses. Women find it okay to portray themselves as stupid or easy to attract a man. Some women even allow men to abuse them physically, mentally or sexually.

Why is it that we allow this to affect us? Why do we allow ourselves to be abused and taken advantage of?

God has made us to be awed, respected and loved. He has made us in His image and after His likeness. We should carry ourselves with pride and respect. No man or media has the right to tell us that we are not worthy or beautiful. We are God's mighty work. Marvellous are God's works. You are a miracle.

Your beauty is much deeper then what the natural eye can percieve. Don't allow yourself to be a part of the illusion anymore. Open the eyes of your soul and begin to embrace who you are in the spirit. When you begin to see yourself as God's sees you so will everyone else.

Superwoman

My heart aches as I write this thinking about the millions and millions of women who live their lives unfulfilled. The are proud to be mothers and do a super job at it but what about themselves. We live frustrated with the world and blame everyone else for how we feel. We expect our lives to change but yet leave it in the hands of someone else. We give away the power and authority that God has given us. We wake up feeling used and go to sleep feeling lonely. How can we live in this life when we can't even stand to look at ourselves in the mirror? How can I be a mother when I don't even know my own name anymore? I have taken on so many titles and responsibilities that I no longer have a sense of purpose of my own. How do I begin living a life for myself when everyone else depends on me? Is it selfish to want to run away and leave everything behind?

These are very real feelings that we feel as women because we do give so much of our energy to nuture the lives of others. In the process of raising a family we lose our own identity. We forget how beautiful we are because we don't wear a size 8 anymore, we have stretch marks, our hair is thining out and we are growing hair in areas that we once thought only men grew them in. (lip, chin..etc.)

Have you ever felt like life was not worth living anymore? Did you ever feel like no one understood or even cared about the emptiness you feel inside? "Can anyone see my pain?". "Does anyone know that I am so depleted I can't even stand?". I speak these things from a very personal place because I did once feel all of this. I know many women who still do. I also know there are many who are ashamed to admit they do.

You see we feel that we are supposed to be strong....always hold it together because we are moms. "I can't show weakness because I am my childrens' role model." Hello! Weakness is not a bad thing. It is actually a sign of virtue. How can I ever be strong and know my worth unless the shell breaks? Your true beauty, value and strength comes from the ability to be vulnerable and compassionate....it comes from the inside. "In your weakness, God's strength is made perfect".

I personally have had many powerful and uplifting talks about life with my daughter when I was broken. It is important that our children learn that even if you have a bad day you can turn it around. They need to learn how to process emotions and move through life. We have to realize that every emotion that we feel is valid and has a place in the journey of self discovery. The closer we get to awakening the harder the struggle. We are breaking bondages and minsets that have been a part of us for many years.

Have you ever let a pan or plate sit dirty for several hours or even days? How hard is it to clean? Or have you ever tried to unscrew a rusty bolt? They only way to get that plate clean is to emerce it in some soapy water and let it soak. They only way to unscrew that bolt sometimes is to spray some grease or oil on it. That is what must take place when we are breaking out of our shell....out of our set mindsets. We have to be broken and allow the emotions to draw out the truth that is within us. We have to let God's truth (the water) cleanse us (soap) and heal us. We have to let the anointing (the grease, the oil) loosen the bondages.

We have all been designed to fulfill a purpose. God has ordained each of us to play a very important part in the restoration of His kingdom and in the reconciliation of His family. God invites us all to this marriage according to His word but only few accept the invitation. Only few take on the infirmities and burdens of His people to bring about freedom and life. Just as there are only a few soldiers that fight to defend our country. Your calling or purpose may not be to preach or start a ministry. God has a different purpose for each person. Some may be called to be teachers and enrich the lives of the next generation. Some may be called to be leaders in politics and change the nation (hello Obama). Others may just be called to be great mothers and wives and be a role model to someone that never had one in their life. None is greater then the other because they all serve the same mission.....to Glorify God and save His people. To awaken a nation and stop the self inflicted pain.

Sometimes we think that this life we live is really "OUR life". We get into this "MY Life" mindset. We have pitty parties with ourselves because we feel personally attacked or threatened when life isn't the way we want it. We have to realize that we are all God's children and His vessels. He allows certain situations to happen in order to steer us in the path of His calling for our life. It is about His purpose and His glory.

How do I endure hardship and still believe? How do I find purpose in all this caos? How do I keep myself from ripping someones head off? :) You awaken to the fact that God has called you. He has ordained you and all that you are going through is for His purpose. More then anything you must know without a shadow of a doubt that He loves you. "Perfect love casts out all fear." Fear tries to keep you in control and doesn't allow you to move by God's spirit, into your destiny. When we surrender to God's love we can then begin to see His glory revealed in us. We can begin to awaken to our true identity and live in peace and joy.

You know when your child does something "bad"? You know that they are not bad kids because you know their hearts. You understand that maybe they have learned a trait or mannerism from another child. Or maybe they just need to mature. You love them the same but you know they need to be punished or corrected because if not they will do it again. Sometimes we put them in time out or ground them without certain priviliges. They get so mad and say "mom when can I come out of the room". " Mom when can I watch TV". Sometimes they even say they hate you, never want to see you again or "I wish you weren't my mom". They go in their rooms and scream their heads off. Does any of that sound familiar? It should because many of US as adults do that with God. "Lord, why must I go through this"...."how much longer must I stay in this marriage"...."how much longer must I be unemployed". Can it be that the trial you are going through is preparing you for a greater purpose? Can it be that the marriage you are in is revealing your heart? Can it be that this time out of work is giving you time alone with God so He can heal your heart?

The number one thing is like I said GOD LOVES YOU. His thoughts of you are not to hurt you. He wants to prosper you. We love our children but we must show them the way so that they can mature and be all that they have been called to be. God does the same with us.

We often get lost playing roles. We lose our identity trying to develope others'. Then one day God says that is enough. Our spirits begin to stir and we become frustrated. You see our spirits know truth and deep down inside we know there is more. We know that we have been called...invited and we have excepted that call..the invitation to the marriage. All your history becomes HIStory. He uses your life to draw people unto Himself. He uses your life to affect a nation not just your family. You are a SUPERWOMAN. You have super powers and you have been designed to soar above every circumstance that comes up against you. Take responsibility for your own life and put it in the hands of God. You are His and He is yours. You are a woman of virtue. Do you understand how amazing it is to be a woman? You are tender enough to love unconditionally but yet strong enough to bring forth life. Glory to God.

Are You Truly Living?

Are you truly living or are you just surviving? It is so easy to get distracted with our day to day routines. We do this over here and then we have that over there. Mom's especially know all to well what it is to be on autopilot. We have the dinner in the oven, the laundry washing, the kids at the table doing homework as we are writing out the bills. Yes, these are all important parts of our day to day lives because they help us to survive but what else is there? Do you feel fulfilled? Do you feel yourself? Do you do these things with love in your heart or are they more like chores and burdens? Sometimes I catch myself snapping for no apparent reason....easily irratated. Have you ever felt that way? I know for most women we have happily accepted the role as a mother, wife, caregiver, taxi driver and maid. Not to mention many of us even have a 40 hour a week job. Although our plates are full and we don't know where one thing ends and another begins we feel like something is missing. Can it be that we often fill our lives with so much to numb the unfulfilled and broken areas in our lives? You once had a dream and now it is in the junk drawer with all the other nick nacks that have no place. What happened to your spunk, what happened to your sensuality, what happened to your joy? Did you throw it away? Did you place it on the back burner because your kids lives are more important? Well it is time you look for it. It is time you start living and not just surviving. Stop wearing all the masks that hide your true emotions. Stop acting like your ok because you don't want anyone to see you fall apart. After all you are the one holding it all together for the family.

What happens if I pursue my dream and I fail? I can't waste time on myself when everyone else needs me. I barely have time to shower and paint my own nails....forget going to school or taking time out to go to the gym. These R the conversations we have with ourselves. We live frustrated and unfulfilled because we think that when we got married or had children we had to trade our lives in. That is the furthest thing from the truth. This is when we are truly supposed to be living. How can we be a good caregiver if we don't care for ourselves? How can I tell my daughter to reach for the stars when I haven't reached for mine? We can't neglect ourselves. We have to embrace our relationships but know when it's time to let go and take care of ourselves. It is not selfish to take time out to pamper yourself, lock yourself in a room to meditate or even dream about starting a business of your own. I know we often feel guilty when we take time away from our kids. We think that we need to stay with them 24/7 or they will feel abandoned. What about you? Why have you abandoned yourself?

It's time we teach our children by example. It's time we become the best moms, wives and business women possible. By putting ourselves and our dreams on the TO DO LIST.