God has been dealing with me lately about stepping out of my fears. I know that in order to be all that He has called me to be and do I will have to move forward and not worry about what others think. I desire to move forward in my life with passion and make no excuses for who I am or what I believe.
I think we all look for that in life. We all want to be free from our emotions and fears. We all want to live our lives fully as ourselves and make no excuses. We don't want to live trapped in our pasts. We don't want to keep nursing the same wounds. We don't want to keep forcing ourselves to fit in molds that were not made for us. We don't want to keep fighting to be accepted, loved, acknowledged or appreciated.
God designed us all to be original. He designed each and everyone of us with a specific assignment in mind. Everything we have gone through in our lives, whether we think it was good or bad, served a purpose. We may never know the total plan of God but yet and still it will be established. His will will dominate whatever plan you think you have set up for yourself. He will interrupt your whole life just to fulfill His plan for you.
I trust in Him. I believe that He desires all good things for me because He loves me. Others may have rejected me, abandoned me or lied to me but God never has and He never will. His love is eternal and sufficient. It doesn't matter what I have been through, what I have done or what I haven't done. God's love will carry me through every adversity as it always has. His love will illuminate my path and open doors that no man can shut. He will receive the glory for my life. Everything that I do will be done unto Him because I know where I used to be and what He has brought me from.
He deserves to get all the glory and praises for my life because I wouldn't be who I am without Him. That is what I am confidient in now. I am confidient in who He has created me to be. I don't have to live a prisioner to my past. He has set me free from the bondages of my mind. He has healed my heart and restored my soul. I belong to Him and that gives me such peace.
I don't have to worry about my future or past because He is always present. Every rejection, every fall, and every pain has served it's purpose and it is all good in the eyes of God. Although my mind did not understand at the time, I have learned to lean on Him. I have learned to rest in His arms and allow His spirit to strength me when I don't know how to go on another day.
I will live everyday unto God and walk boldly before His throne. I will speak with authority and give Him all the praise. I will be confident in who HE has created me to be and conscious of the power He has invested in me. I am unlimited and all things are possible because I DO BELIEVE. AMEN!!!!!!
Friday, January 15, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Numbing The Pain
Recently I have been dealing with a toothache. I was supposed to get all my wisdom teeth extracted several years ago but only had one done. I was too afraid of dealing with the pain. Then about a year ago my dentist recommended that I get my last two wisdom teeth extracted and once again I avoided the surgery because I was afraid of the pain. My wisdom teeth occasionally bothered me but the pain was pretty manageable and I was able to numb it and deal with it. Until now....
The pain that I have been dealing with lately has reached it's limit. I currently have an infection, my throat hurts, my head hurts and my face is swollen. I can no longer keep these teeth in my mouth. I have to confront my fear of pain and get them extracted once and for all.
This ordeal had me think about our pain in life. We have all been through painful things in our lives. Whether we endured the pain from our own decisions or from the actions of others, we have all felt it. The dangerous part is not the pain. The dangerous part is trying to numb the pain and not deal with it.
Many of us try to cover up the pain of our past with bandaids. Such as alcohol, food, work, relationships, drugs, cigarettes, or some other unhealthy habit. We don't want to confront the pain so we cover up our emotions. Eventually that pain surfaces again. Something occurs in our life and exposes our wounds.
We get to a place were we have no choice but to deal with the issues that we have been trying to numb. Our life becomes "infected" and the pain or unresolved issues become too painful to bare.
This happen to me about 2 years ago. I had lost my job, I was living with a family member, I was overweight, and insecure about everything in my life. I began to seek God and ask Him to show me who I was. He really began to show me what I wasn't. I wasn't my past. I wasn't the insecure person that I thought I was. The reason I was in so much pain was because I associated everything I had been through with who I was. I was too focused on the pain.
One day I was so frustrated I began to cry out loud. I said "God tell me what to do...speak to me....I want to hear your voice". He said "shut up". Now some may think I am crazy but this is exactly what He spoke to my spirit. You see many of us are so focused on our pain and discomfort that we fail to listen. Our cries become louder then His voice.
Life doesn't have to be dramatic. We don't always have to endure pain. We don't have to live in constant caos and struggle. We chose to live this way. We chose to focus on the pain and wallow in our sorrows. We are so accustomed to dealing with the drama that we have identified ourselves with it and so we reap more of it.
God had me silent for a season. He taught me to meditate and hear His voice. I found peace by being still and listening to my own breath. I found beauty in the nothingness. I reached a place of sacredness and aweness because I discovered who I really was in God.
I no longer had to numb the pain because I no longer associated myself with it. I no longer craved it. It's crazy how we don't want to be involved in caos but yet we unconsciously seek it. Why? Because we don't know how to live without it. We don't know who we are without it. There is an uncertainty when we are in an unfamiliar territory. Our flesh is no longer supported and we become fearful of the unknown.
This is what it is to live by faith. We are not supposed to know anything according to our flesh. We are to walk with our eyes closed and trust in the Lord. We are supposed to live limitless without attaching ourselves to egoic thoughts.
Our spirit knows to trust in God but our human "egoic" mind tries to protect itself. It tells you to hide, retract, avoid a certain situation because you will experience more pain. You must slowly begin to extract those thoughts from your mind by not attaching yourself to them.
Meditation and prayer played a big part in my healing. I allowed my mind to be free in God. Even though my flesh did not understand everything I allowed whatever God desired to be present in my life. I opened my heart and surrendered to the NOW. I learned to live true to myself. I learned to live by faith.
Stop numbing the pain and begin to live the way God intended for you to live.
The pain that I have been dealing with lately has reached it's limit. I currently have an infection, my throat hurts, my head hurts and my face is swollen. I can no longer keep these teeth in my mouth. I have to confront my fear of pain and get them extracted once and for all.
This ordeal had me think about our pain in life. We have all been through painful things in our lives. Whether we endured the pain from our own decisions or from the actions of others, we have all felt it. The dangerous part is not the pain. The dangerous part is trying to numb the pain and not deal with it.
Many of us try to cover up the pain of our past with bandaids. Such as alcohol, food, work, relationships, drugs, cigarettes, or some other unhealthy habit. We don't want to confront the pain so we cover up our emotions. Eventually that pain surfaces again. Something occurs in our life and exposes our wounds.
We get to a place were we have no choice but to deal with the issues that we have been trying to numb. Our life becomes "infected" and the pain or unresolved issues become too painful to bare.
This happen to me about 2 years ago. I had lost my job, I was living with a family member, I was overweight, and insecure about everything in my life. I began to seek God and ask Him to show me who I was. He really began to show me what I wasn't. I wasn't my past. I wasn't the insecure person that I thought I was. The reason I was in so much pain was because I associated everything I had been through with who I was. I was too focused on the pain.
One day I was so frustrated I began to cry out loud. I said "God tell me what to do...speak to me....I want to hear your voice". He said "shut up". Now some may think I am crazy but this is exactly what He spoke to my spirit. You see many of us are so focused on our pain and discomfort that we fail to listen. Our cries become louder then His voice.
Life doesn't have to be dramatic. We don't always have to endure pain. We don't have to live in constant caos and struggle. We chose to live this way. We chose to focus on the pain and wallow in our sorrows. We are so accustomed to dealing with the drama that we have identified ourselves with it and so we reap more of it.
God had me silent for a season. He taught me to meditate and hear His voice. I found peace by being still and listening to my own breath. I found beauty in the nothingness. I reached a place of sacredness and aweness because I discovered who I really was in God.
I no longer had to numb the pain because I no longer associated myself with it. I no longer craved it. It's crazy how we don't want to be involved in caos but yet we unconsciously seek it. Why? Because we don't know how to live without it. We don't know who we are without it. There is an uncertainty when we are in an unfamiliar territory. Our flesh is no longer supported and we become fearful of the unknown.
This is what it is to live by faith. We are not supposed to know anything according to our flesh. We are to walk with our eyes closed and trust in the Lord. We are supposed to live limitless without attaching ourselves to egoic thoughts.
Our spirit knows to trust in God but our human "egoic" mind tries to protect itself. It tells you to hide, retract, avoid a certain situation because you will experience more pain. You must slowly begin to extract those thoughts from your mind by not attaching yourself to them.
Meditation and prayer played a big part in my healing. I allowed my mind to be free in God. Even though my flesh did not understand everything I allowed whatever God desired to be present in my life. I opened my heart and surrendered to the NOW. I learned to live true to myself. I learned to live by faith.
Stop numbing the pain and begin to live the way God intended for you to live.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Coming OUT Of The Shadows
Today was such a powerful day for me. God's presence was so tangible. I received some words today from God. He said it is time to step out of the shadows.
By reading my blog you know that I have gone through some pretty tough things. I know that I have not come out and told you all the specifics but I will share that in another post at a later time. Right now all that I want you to know is that I know what deep pain, disappointment and rejection feels like. I also know what it feels like to live through years of self loathing and a victim mentality. I have also experienced the death grip of fear.
In the beginning of my journey I wasn't really sure why I had to go through a lot of the things I went through. I spent many years blaming everyone else for my pain and discomfort. I didn't understand that everything I had gone through from my childhood to the present day was to draw out what God has placed within me. I didn't know that He was drawing out His glory. I didn't know that I was His treasure that was hidden in an earthen vessel.
Today I do stand with my head held high and fully aware of my purpose. I am conscious that everything I endured was to prepare me for His plan. I was designed with God's plan in mind. I was created to manifest His power and bring hope to His people. I was called and chosen to show His love in every aspect of my life.
Although we have not all gone through the same trials and we have not all been called to perform the same assignments. We have all been called to walk in our true identity in God and manifest His love. His love endures all things and sets our hearts free from the torturous thoughts of rejection, pain and disappointment.
We are not called to remain in the shadows of our past. God has called us forth through the pain to be more then a conqueror. We are called to be overcomers. We are not just here to win battles. We are called to step out of the trenches and live in constant love and peace. God's grace and mercy is sufficient for you. You don't have to struggle with your daily loathing and self pity thoughts. You can rest in God and live free of your past.
You may be thinking but HOW? How do I move passed the pain, rejection, abuse, abandonment, adultery, or loss? How do I press through the uncertainties and learn to love again?
You do it by realizing that you are a manifestation of God and everything in your life has been a set up. You release everyone that has wronged you or caused you pain from the guilt. You forgive them and forgive yourself. You realize that what you have gone through does not define you. You don't have to pick up that same cross everyday. God already took on your infirmities, afflictions, and pains. You can be free.
I know how uncomfortable and vulnerable it feels to not know why? I know how painful it is to look back and remember what they did to you. "Why didn't they love me enough to treat me right. I trusted them. I needed them. I loved them."
Know that God allowed all of it. They had to hurt you, leave you and forsake you. They had to commit adultery, abuse you, and turn their back on you. You were meant to feel lonely, angry, sad, and hopeless. How could you ever know what light is if you never experienced the dark?
All of those dark moments in your life brought you to this point where you are seeking His light....seeking His truth......seeking your identity.....seeking your healing. Had it not been for all of the past pain I had gone through I wouldn't be able to discern the spirit of God. I wouldn't be able to minister to His people. I wouldn't be awaken to my identity, purpose or power.
Every heavy weight of depression that I had to carry only made my spirit stronger and more dependant on God. Now that I acknowledge God in all my ways I can walk in peace. I can walk free of my pain and walk in His constant joy and peace.
God has called me and He has called you to come out of the shadows. Make this day a new beginning. Promise yourself to live each day conscious of God's purpose for your life. He wants you to be free of pain. Today is the day.
It is time to come out of the shadows and walk in His light. It is time that your mind be set free from the burdens of life. It is time that you trust in God and His love for you. Step out and walk in all that God created you to be.
By reading my blog you know that I have gone through some pretty tough things. I know that I have not come out and told you all the specifics but I will share that in another post at a later time. Right now all that I want you to know is that I know what deep pain, disappointment and rejection feels like. I also know what it feels like to live through years of self loathing and a victim mentality. I have also experienced the death grip of fear.
In the beginning of my journey I wasn't really sure why I had to go through a lot of the things I went through. I spent many years blaming everyone else for my pain and discomfort. I didn't understand that everything I had gone through from my childhood to the present day was to draw out what God has placed within me. I didn't know that He was drawing out His glory. I didn't know that I was His treasure that was hidden in an earthen vessel.
Today I do stand with my head held high and fully aware of my purpose. I am conscious that everything I endured was to prepare me for His plan. I was designed with God's plan in mind. I was created to manifest His power and bring hope to His people. I was called and chosen to show His love in every aspect of my life.
Although we have not all gone through the same trials and we have not all been called to perform the same assignments. We have all been called to walk in our true identity in God and manifest His love. His love endures all things and sets our hearts free from the torturous thoughts of rejection, pain and disappointment.
We are not called to remain in the shadows of our past. God has called us forth through the pain to be more then a conqueror. We are called to be overcomers. We are not just here to win battles. We are called to step out of the trenches and live in constant love and peace. God's grace and mercy is sufficient for you. You don't have to struggle with your daily loathing and self pity thoughts. You can rest in God and live free of your past.
You may be thinking but HOW? How do I move passed the pain, rejection, abuse, abandonment, adultery, or loss? How do I press through the uncertainties and learn to love again?
You do it by realizing that you are a manifestation of God and everything in your life has been a set up. You release everyone that has wronged you or caused you pain from the guilt. You forgive them and forgive yourself. You realize that what you have gone through does not define you. You don't have to pick up that same cross everyday. God already took on your infirmities, afflictions, and pains. You can be free.
I know how uncomfortable and vulnerable it feels to not know why? I know how painful it is to look back and remember what they did to you. "Why didn't they love me enough to treat me right. I trusted them. I needed them. I loved them."
Know that God allowed all of it. They had to hurt you, leave you and forsake you. They had to commit adultery, abuse you, and turn their back on you. You were meant to feel lonely, angry, sad, and hopeless. How could you ever know what light is if you never experienced the dark?
All of those dark moments in your life brought you to this point where you are seeking His light....seeking His truth......seeking your identity.....seeking your healing. Had it not been for all of the past pain I had gone through I wouldn't be able to discern the spirit of God. I wouldn't be able to minister to His people. I wouldn't be awaken to my identity, purpose or power.
Every heavy weight of depression that I had to carry only made my spirit stronger and more dependant on God. Now that I acknowledge God in all my ways I can walk in peace. I can walk free of my pain and walk in His constant joy and peace.
God has called me and He has called you to come out of the shadows. Make this day a new beginning. Promise yourself to live each day conscious of God's purpose for your life. He wants you to be free of pain. Today is the day.
It is time to come out of the shadows and walk in His light. It is time that your mind be set free from the burdens of life. It is time that you trust in God and His love for you. Step out and walk in all that God created you to be.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The Splinter
Sometimes it's the little things that happen in our lives that cause us so much pain.
I was reminded today when I was removing a splinter from my mom's finger about our little trials. We tend to forget that our trials pale in comparison to the glory that shall be revealed in us.
We allow the little splinters in our lives to steal our vision. We allow them to hinder us because we are afraid.
Don't forget how great you are. Let your true strength swallow up the splinters in your life.
Let go and let God take the splinters out of your life. Each one serves a purpose. You are not subject to them....they are subject to your God.
I was reminded today when I was removing a splinter from my mom's finger about our little trials. We tend to forget that our trials pale in comparison to the glory that shall be revealed in us.
We allow the little splinters in our lives to steal our vision. We allow them to hinder us because we are afraid.
Don't forget how great you are. Let your true strength swallow up the splinters in your life.
Let go and let God take the splinters out of your life. Each one serves a purpose. You are not subject to them....they are subject to your God.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Seek His Peace
I personally know how difficult it is to see God in all things. It is difficult at times to see Him when your heart is broken or you feel alone. It is difficult to see Him when someone rejects you or doors close in your face.
Over the last couple of years I have had to confront many mind blowing and heart wrenching trials that have left me breathless at times. I couldn't even begin to comprehend why I had to endure certain heartaches.
There were many nights that I laid awake wondering about my life. I wondered what certain loved ones were doing. I wondered where my life was headed. Anxiety often plagued my mind and desperation grasped my heart. I wasn't sure how to overcome the emotions that captivated my soul. I only knew that I didn't want to wrestle with them anymore.
I seeked God for His wisdom and began to understand that I wasn't supposed to try to figure anything out. He only wanted me to rest in Him....to trust Him...and surrender my heart to Him.
My prayer became "Lord, I surrender my heart to you. My heart is open to give love and recieve love. I desire whatever would bring me peace".
This simple prayer that came from deep within my soul was what began to release the shackles from my mind. I began to realize that God is in every aspect of my life. He is within the family members I worry about, His is in control of my career, and He is in control of my life.
He knows what would bring me peace in this moment of my life and that is what He allows to be in it. I may desire my marriage to be restored, a new job, more money, or something else but that doesn't mean those things would bring me peace. God knows what is best for me and I must trust and rest in His plan for my life.
Over all things I seek God's peace each and everyday and surrender my heart to Him. To open your heart to give love and recieve love means you are open to the unlimited. You are yeilded to His will. You are ready to be used by Him. You are a vessel in which He can freely flow and manifest Himself through without hinderance.
When we are focused on our feelings and emotions then we are not yeilded. We are too worried about feeling anger, pain, fear or disappointment. But when we are surrendered to God and His love then we are no longer bound by our fleshly desires and we give Him full reign. We allow Him to freely move and work on our behalf. We make room for miracles.
He knows what is best for you. His desire is to bless you and not hurt you. Just let go and seek His peace. His peace is where you will find your healing and deliverance.
Over the last couple of years I have had to confront many mind blowing and heart wrenching trials that have left me breathless at times. I couldn't even begin to comprehend why I had to endure certain heartaches.
There were many nights that I laid awake wondering about my life. I wondered what certain loved ones were doing. I wondered where my life was headed. Anxiety often plagued my mind and desperation grasped my heart. I wasn't sure how to overcome the emotions that captivated my soul. I only knew that I didn't want to wrestle with them anymore.
I seeked God for His wisdom and began to understand that I wasn't supposed to try to figure anything out. He only wanted me to rest in Him....to trust Him...and surrender my heart to Him.
My prayer became "Lord, I surrender my heart to you. My heart is open to give love and recieve love. I desire whatever would bring me peace".
This simple prayer that came from deep within my soul was what began to release the shackles from my mind. I began to realize that God is in every aspect of my life. He is within the family members I worry about, His is in control of my career, and He is in control of my life.
He knows what would bring me peace in this moment of my life and that is what He allows to be in it. I may desire my marriage to be restored, a new job, more money, or something else but that doesn't mean those things would bring me peace. God knows what is best for me and I must trust and rest in His plan for my life.
Over all things I seek God's peace each and everyday and surrender my heart to Him. To open your heart to give love and recieve love means you are open to the unlimited. You are yeilded to His will. You are ready to be used by Him. You are a vessel in which He can freely flow and manifest Himself through without hinderance.
When we are focused on our feelings and emotions then we are not yeilded. We are too worried about feeling anger, pain, fear or disappointment. But when we are surrendered to God and His love then we are no longer bound by our fleshly desires and we give Him full reign. We allow Him to freely move and work on our behalf. We make room for miracles.
He knows what is best for you. His desire is to bless you and not hurt you. Just let go and seek His peace. His peace is where you will find your healing and deliverance.
Monday, December 28, 2009
God IS Everything
We don't include God in our lives as an after thought. We live and breathe through Him. He is our source of existance. We are nothing without Him.
It saddens me how many people see God as an outward source to whom they pray when times get rough. Someone they call up and consult when they are confused or in need of hope. Although I understand that this is one level of faith it is not all that there is. God says we should not live by bread alone but by every word that preceedth out of the mouth of God.
We are not to live on daily miracles. We are to live in the overflow of love. We have the living spirit of God dwelling on the inside of us. We lack nothing. The reason our outward circumstances often don't reflect this abundance and prosperity is because we don't know how to activate it.
We don't understand that God has given us power and authority to live in love, peace and joy everyday of our life. We don't have to struggle. We are to live through God. We are to live in the overflow of His anointing.
Whatever the word of God says is what you should be walking in. But these things are only obtained through obedience. We are to walk according to the word. We are to live by every word that preceeds out of the mouth of God. We are to walk in the spirit.
How do we obtain this level of faith and consciousness? By living surrendered. By resting in God. By trusting in His perfect will for our life. You may not have the life that you desire to have. You may be struggling right now with some things in your life....BUT God is more then able to restore everything that has been surrendered to Him.
If you would just lean and trust that where you are is where you are supposed to be. Every path is leading you to righteousness. Your weakness is essential for His strength, His word to be perfected in you.
You are being restored and reconciled back unto the Father. You are awakening to your true identity in Him. Every thought that is contrary to His truth is being burned in the fire of His consuming love.
Just rest in God and walk according to His word. Let His spirit lead you and guide you no matter what is going on in your life. He is more then able to handle everything that you think is impossible.
You belong to Him. You are a reflection and manifestation of His love. Let go and allow yourself to walk in the fullness of His joy and peace.
It saddens me how many people see God as an outward source to whom they pray when times get rough. Someone they call up and consult when they are confused or in need of hope. Although I understand that this is one level of faith it is not all that there is. God says we should not live by bread alone but by every word that preceedth out of the mouth of God.
We are not to live on daily miracles. We are to live in the overflow of love. We have the living spirit of God dwelling on the inside of us. We lack nothing. The reason our outward circumstances often don't reflect this abundance and prosperity is because we don't know how to activate it.
We don't understand that God has given us power and authority to live in love, peace and joy everyday of our life. We don't have to struggle. We are to live through God. We are to live in the overflow of His anointing.
Whatever the word of God says is what you should be walking in. But these things are only obtained through obedience. We are to walk according to the word. We are to live by every word that preceeds out of the mouth of God. We are to walk in the spirit.
How do we obtain this level of faith and consciousness? By living surrendered. By resting in God. By trusting in His perfect will for our life. You may not have the life that you desire to have. You may be struggling right now with some things in your life....BUT God is more then able to restore everything that has been surrendered to Him.
If you would just lean and trust that where you are is where you are supposed to be. Every path is leading you to righteousness. Your weakness is essential for His strength, His word to be perfected in you.
You are being restored and reconciled back unto the Father. You are awakening to your true identity in Him. Every thought that is contrary to His truth is being burned in the fire of His consuming love.
Just rest in God and walk according to His word. Let His spirit lead you and guide you no matter what is going on in your life. He is more then able to handle everything that you think is impossible.
You belong to Him. You are a reflection and manifestation of His love. Let go and allow yourself to walk in the fullness of His joy and peace.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Just Be You
"God purposely designed you with His plan in mind. Live boldly as yourself. Don't chase the dream be the vision."
You are purposely designed by God to fulfill His plan. You are lacking nothing. Don't chase the dream others have painted. Live the vision God has ordained for you. Make no excuses for who you are. Live boldly as yourself.
You are purposely designed by God to fulfill His plan. You are lacking nothing. Don't chase the dream others have painted. Live the vision God has ordained for you. Make no excuses for who you are. Live boldly as yourself.
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